mer's journey

The back of yo' head is RIDICULOUS.

2011-04-08T20:23:00.005-04:00

This past weekend, I went dancing. PRIME OPPORTUNITIES FOR AWKWARDNESS ABOUND.

Where do you think I get all these absurd stories? The library?

Really.

Saturday afternoon we danced under a pavilion in a local park. The weather was absolutely perfect and the DJs were playing some GREAT MUSIC. All in all, it really was the perfect afternoon to be outside dancing. About midway through the afternoon, a man approached me, I assumed, to ask me to dance.

We all know what happens when I make assumptions.

He says to me, “I’ve never seen you here before. Do you dance here often?” I say, “I’m not from here. I’m visiting from out of town. “

Awkward silence.

Since YOU won’t ask, I WILL. “Do you want to dance?” (What ELSE are you going to do at a pavilion SPECIFICALLY RENTED for a lindy hop dance?)

He hems and haws and finally says that he can’t because he has somewhere else to be. At this point, I am secretly calculating how long I have to get out of this weird conversation before the next song starts. Don’t judge. Judging from the sweat dripping off the other dancers, and their relative shortness of breath, I realize I have about a minute and a half to get this guy to leave me alone so I can find someone else who actually wants to dance and will not creep me out.

All of a sudden, he reaches for my hand. He says, “Well, maybe we can dance for a little bit out here, on this sidewalk, away from the pavilion.” Um. Okay. He leads me to an empty place on the sidewalk and begins to sway back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth.

Back and forth.

I’m waiting for a rock step. An arm lifted to signal a turn. Jazz hands. The Hokey Pokey. ANYTHING.

And then it hits me.

This creeper of a dude that has now wasted TWO SONGS of my afternoon dance and 10 exhausting minutes of my life DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO DANCE.

I start looking around, praying, WILLING for someone to save me from the awkwardness that is this moment. No one. Of course not. Everyone is DANCING. On the DANCE FLOOR.

My friend Jim stealthfully sneaks behind us to take our picture. I grimace, hoping he will see me and SAVE ME. He is gone in half a second, off to take pictures of people that are actually lindy hopping. Sigh.

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY IN THIS WORLD SAVE ME NOW.

Meanwhile, while I am calculating how I will gracefully exit this conversation. His swaying slows. He stops dancing. And stares at me. He is stroking my hands now.

He looks at me intently. “You should take off your sunglasses. I don’t even know what you look like.”

What? Why are you even here? YOU’RE NOT EVEN DANCING. STOP TOUCHING ME.

(Look in the picture. DO YOU SEE HIM HOLDING MY HANDS?!)

I take off my sunglasses and put them on my head. I catch my friend’s eye in the process (help. me.) and turn back to my non dancing friend.

“Well,” he says,

“You’re pretty enough.”

I glare at him with my best what-the-heck-is-your-problem-you-are-such-a-jerk-may-the-lice-of-a-thousand-camels-build-a-shopping-mall-in-your-armpits-go-away-now-RUDE stare. I thank him icily for the dance (a girl’s gotta have SOME manners, after all), and turn away. He grabs my arm…

“Can I have your number? Please?! I might never see you again!!”

In my head that translates to, “Do you have a boyfriend? Is he big? Is he hefty? Is he comin’ back?”

So, What DO you eat?

2011-03-09T16:56:00.003-05:00

Wednesdays are my favorite days. I usually spend Wednesday evening preparing my meal plan and grocery list for the next week. So, due to popular demand, I will now be posting my weekly planned recipes!

To everyone who doesn't care about what I eat, please remember to read other awesome blogs out there on Wednesdays. Or you can complain about how boring and tasteless my meals will be.

Generally, I make my plan on Wednesday, grocery shop on Saturday, prep on Sunday, and start my week of cooking on Monday. I also have decided that I can only eat two days worth of the same meal. THAT'S IT. I cannot cook once and eat a meal for a week I WILL DIE. But, I really like leftovers for lunch, so you'll probably see a lot of that going on.

Next week's meals are as follows (Check out the links!):

Monday:
Dinner: Paleo Chicken Dive-In (Paleo-ized Chicken Divan- YUMMMMM!)
My good friend Carrie posted this link this week and I seriously CANNOT WAIT to make this. It's going to be amazing. No, you are not invited to dinner. Sorry. Next week, maybe. :)

Tuesday:
Breakfast: scrambled eggs with spinach and salsa and a side of bacon.
I eat eggs every morning for breakfast. Usually scrambled with some sort of vegetable and salsa. Well, that is the plan at least for this week. I'm also trying to EAT MORE VEGETABLES, hence the veggies with my eggs.
Lunch: Leftover Chicken Divan
Dinner: Pork Roast with Rosemary and Garlic with Mashed Cauliflower (DO. NOT. KNOCK. IT. UNTIL. YOU. TRY. IT. It's amazing! All of the awesome flavor of mashed potatoes, with none of the inflammation or insulin spikes! YUM.) and Green Beans.
This is one of my favorite roast recipes. I like to cut slits in the roast and stuff chunks of garlic inside. SO GOOD.

Wednesday
Breakfast: scrambled eggs with spinach and salsa and a side of bacon.
Lunch: Pork Roast with Rosemary and Garlic with Mashed Cauliflower and Green beans
Dinner: Pizza. The BEST PALEO PIZZA YOU WILL EVER PUT IN YOUR MOUTH. I PROMISE. It's got all the flavor with none of the poison.

Thursday
Breakfast: scrambled eggs with peppers and onions and salsa and a side of bacon.
Lunch: Leftover pizza. Don't judge.
Dinner: Roasted Chicken with Beer. I've never made this before and I am really excited to see how it turns out! This classic Italian recipe is below:

Roasted chicken with beer (Pollo alla birra)
3 1/2- to 4-pound roasting chicken
2 teaspoons kosher salt
2 medium onions, peeled, quartered through the root
1 large carrot, peeled, halved crosswise and quartered lengthwise (about 4 ounces)
2 medium parsnips, peeled, halved crosswise and quartered lengthwise (about 4 ounces)
2 tablespoon fresh sage leaves
4 whole cloves
1 cinnamon stick
1 1/2 cups light stock (chicken, turkey, or vegetable broth) or water
1 1/2 cups (one 12-ounce bottle) flavorful beer or ale (Lidia says her favorite is pale ale)
1 cup apple cider, preferably unfiltered

Arrange a rack in the middle of the oven and heat to 400 degrees. Trim excess fat from the chicken, and season it inside and out with 1 teaspoon of the salt. Scatter the onions, carrot, parsnips, sage, cloves and cinnamon stick in the pot, sprinkle over this the rest of the salt, and set the chicken on top of the vegetables. Put the pot on the stove, pour in the stock, beer, and apple cider, and bring to a simmer over medium heat. Cook, uncovered, for about 15 minutes on top of the stove. Put the pot in the oven, and roast the chicken for about 30 minutes, basting with the pan juices two or three times. Cover the chicken with a sheet of aluminum foil to prevent overbrowning, and roast another 30 minutes. Remove the foil, and roast another 20 to 30 minutes, basting frequently, until the chicken and vegetables are cooked through and tender. Remove the chicken to a warm platter and surround with the vegetables. Bring the pan juices to a boil on top of the stove, and cook until reduced by half. Carve the chicken at the table, and spoon the pan juices on top. Makes 6 servings.

Friday
Breakfast: scrambled eggs with peppers and onions and salsa and a side of bacon.
Lunch: Chicken Salad with veggies
Dinner: Leftover Roasted Chicken with Veggies

Saturday
Breakfast: scrambled eggs with peppers and onions and salsa and a side of bacon.
Lunch: Tuna Salad with Homemade Mayo
Dinner: Beef Rolls with veggies. Recipe Below. Imma have to do something about that flour....I'll probably just omit it.

Beef Rolls with Mustard and Vegetables serves: 6 servings
2½ pound boneless bottom-round rump roast
1 teaspoon kosher salt
2 tablespoons German style mustard
2 large stalks celery, cut in 2x4 inch sticks
2 medium carrots, cut in 2x4 inch sticks
12 small dill pickles, (about 2 inches long)
½ cup all-purpose flour
1 large onion, sliced (about 2 cups)
2 bay leaves, preferably fresh
1 cup white wine
4 cups light stock, (chicken, turkey, or vegetable broth)

Lay one hand open on the top of the roast to hold it in place. With a sharp chef 's knife, begin slicing the meat on a slant, cutting across the grain, and continue with parallel angled cuts every 1/2 inch or so, slicing the meat chunk into a dozen thin scallops. As you slice, press down lightly with your top hand, creating resistance, so you can feel the blade moving and keep the slices evenly thick.
Flatten the slices into scallops one at a time. Place each one between sheets of wax paper or plastic wrap and pound it with the toothed face of a meat mallet, tenderizing and spreading it into a narrow oval, about 6 by 3 inches. When all are pounded, season the scallops with salt, about 1/2 teaspoon in all, and spread a thin layer of mustard on the top surfaces.
Starting at the short end of each scallop, pile three celery sticks, three carrot sticks, and a pickle in a bundle. Roll up the meat, enclosing the vegetables, and secure it with toothpicks. When all the rolls are formed, season with the remaining salt. Spread the flour on a plate, and dredge the involtini, lightly coating them.
Pour the olive oil in the pan, and set it over medium-high heat. Shake excess flour from the rolls, lay them in the pan in one layer, and cook, rotating and moving them around, until browned all over. Push the rolls to the side of the pan, and scatter the onion slices and any remaining carrot and celery sticks on the pan bottom. Drop in the bay leaves, and cook the vegetables, stirring occasionally, until they're beginning to brown and soften, about 5 minutes.
Turn the heat to high, pour in the white wine, and let it heat and bubble until almost completely evaporated. Pour in just enough broth to cover the involtini, and bring it to a boil. Set the cover ajar, and adjust the heat to keep the liquid simmering. Cook for an hour and 15 minutes, or until the beef is tender and the sauce has reduced to a consistency you like.Turn off the heat, take out the toothpicks, and remove the involtini to a warm platter. Ladle some of the pan sauce over the involtini, pour the rest into a bowl for passing at the table, and serve while hot.

Sunday
Breakfast: scrambled eggs with whatever leftover veggies I can find in my fridge and salsa and a side of bacon.
Lunch: Leftover beef rolls with veggies
Dinner: Leftover crab stuffed salmon that I froze. SO. GOOD.

It's Monday.

2011-03-07T09:38:00.001-05:00

IT’S MONDAY.

1. I woke up this morning thinking it was SATURDAY. I couldn't figure out WHY my alarm was going off.

2. I left late because I was making my lunch for today because I got home too late last night because I spent all afternoon at my parents’ house.

*I called my parents this morning on my way to work. I casually mentioned that I was late. The following conversation ensued:

Dad: How are you this morning? (I can tell he is probably on Facebook because this is the second time he’s asked me that in the past two minutes.)

Me: I’m running late this morning.

Dad: What? You’re running late?

Mom (in the background): WHAT?! She’s running late?! WHY??? WHAT’S WRONG???

Dad: You’re running late?! WHY??? WHAT’S WRONG???

Me: Nothing. I’m just late.

Dad (to Mom): Nothing is wrong! She’s just late! It’s okay!

Mom (in the background): Did she oversleep?

Dad: Did you oversleep?

Me: No. I’m just late.

Dad (to Mom): No, she didn’t oversleep.

Mom (in the background): Did she hit traffic?

Dad: Did you hit traffic?

Me: No, Dad. I’m just late. There isn’t much traffic this morning.

Dad (to Mom): No, she didn’t hit any traffic! She says there isn’t any one on the road this morning! Where IS everyone? Why aren’t they going to work? My TAXES are paying for them ALL to collect welfare checks so they can just sit around and do nothing! I’D like to sit around and do nothing and get paid for it!

Mom (in the background): Ask her if Sadie pooped in the house. Is that why she’s late?

Dad: Did Sadie poop in the house?

Me (OHMYWORD.): “No, Dad. Sadie NEVER poops in the house. She’s house broken, remember? I’m just late. It’s OKAY.

Dad (to Mom): Nothing is wrong! She’s just late! It’s okay!

Mom (in the background): Did Sadie poop in the house?

Dad (to Mom): No, she didn’t! Apparently, she’s housebroken.

Mom (in the background): Okay, well, I was just WORRIED that something HAPPENED.

Dad (to Mom): I was too!

Dad: We’re so glad you’re okay! We love you!

Me: I love you guys too, Dad!

I love my parents. They are crazy.

ANYWAY.

3. I AM STARVING because I didn't eat breakfast.

4. I HAVE BREAKFAST. I MADE BREAKFAST. I just can't eat it because I am at work and I don't have a fork. My scrambled eggs and salsa are mocking me.

5. MY WATER BOTTLE BROKE. AGAIN. You might as well have cut off a freakin appendage. WHY does this ALWAYS happen to me? I just don’t understand!

I will die of dehydration today.

6. My roommate loaned me her water bottle. As I went to fill it up this morning, I noticed some black gunk in the bottom of it. Ohmyword. There is MOLD in it. GROSS.

I really will die of dehydration today.

7. Nevermind. That's it. It’s Monday. I would like to go back to bed now, please.

I am channeling Susie Homemaker.

2011-02-28T16:50:00.003-05:00

One of my New Year's Resolutions, among others, was to learn how to use the sewing machine I bought three years ago. Originally, I thought I would be able to FIGURE THINGS OUT on my own, so I tried hemming my pants. I wound up sewing my pant legs TOGETHER. To this day, I still can't figure out what I did wrong. Some people really should just stick to stimulating the economy instead of trying so hard to be the perfect a Susie Homemaker (ahem).

ANYWAY. I signed myself for a five week sewing class at the local community college because I was NOT going to give up that easily.

The course syllabus said to bring three things:
your sewing machine
pattern
fabric

I have never bought a sewing pattern before IN MY LIFE. I about had a meltdown when I walked into Hobby Lobby. I'm not even kidding you. THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF PATTERNS THERE. You can make you own UNDERWEAR. Did you know that?

I wish I didn't.

I wanted to make some cute skirts for dancing, but the sales lady said they would be too hard. A PENCIL SKIRT. Clearly, she has NO IDEA what my capabilities are.

I chose this pattern and decided to make both the smaller and the larger bag. I chose a black and white fabric for the large bag and flamboyant red sequined fabric for the pouch. I am out of control.

I show up for class fully prepared and very much excited about dominating this long lost domestic art. Our teacher looks at the class, and tells us,

"This is a sewing class. It's not hard. It doesn't even take a brain to know how to do it!"

Her first instructions to us were to cut out the pieces to our pattern. (Have you ever SEEN a sewing pattern? It's full of solid lines, squiggly lines, dotted lines, notches, triangles, weird shading and teeny tiny words IN FRENCH.) I COULD NOT figure out what I supposed to do. I sat there stupidly with my scissors in my hand staring at my pattern, wondering where in the WORLD I was supposed to start cutting. I honestly couldn't figure out if my confusion meant I was clearly TOO BRILLIANT to be sewing my own clothes, or that I was clearly as dumb as dirt.

I still.....don't.....really.....know.

ANYWAY.

I cut all 8 pieces (yes, 8! I better be able to channel some Mary Poppins when this is all said and done. ) of my bag out and pinned them to the fabric. The girl next to me had her pieces pinned already, her scissors poised in the air. She looked at me, her eyes full of terror.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! WHAT IF I DO IT WRONG? WHAT IF I CUT IT WRONG? WHAT IF I RUIN MY FABRIC? WHAT IF I RUIN THE PATTERN? I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM DOINGGGGGGG!!!!"

You would think we were performing brain surgery. I started to seriously wish the syllabus had recommended bringing Merlot.

Our teacher finally (FINALLY) came around to help us, but really, at that point it was TOO. LATE. Class was practically over. Our confidence was shot. I was getting a migraine. And clearly, the girl next to me needed a DRINK as badly as Charlie Sheen needs a smack upside the head.

Our homework was to finish cutting out our pattern and have it ready to sew the next class. Tomorrow is our second class. Lord, help us.

Please send wine.

CrossFit, Whole 30 and Keeping My Carrot Sticks to Myself

2011-02-19T11:34:00.003-05:00

My friend Carrie is hopping aboard the Whole 30 train and she asked me to come along for moral support. I completed the Whole 30 back in December and it was the best decision I ever made.

Seriously.

It's a great thing to do to cleanse your body of the junk you eat- processed foods, liquor, McDonald's, deep fried Twinkies, liquor, pizza, biscuits and gravy, and liquor.

Why am I telling you all this? I am pretty sure you could care less about what I eat, and you'd much rather hear hilarious stories of me being awkward. I'm probably going to talk about food. A lot. And probably cravings. So. Get over it. Don't get on here later and complain, "Where did all the awkwardness go, Bobby Fischer? Because seriously. I WILL THROW MY CARROT STICK AT YOU.

I will also try to link some websites, so you can learn more about feeling better, looking better, and sleeping better and finally mastering tandem Charleston. All by simply changing the foods you eat. For realz. In the meantime, check out http://whole9life.com/2010/12/whole30-2011/. It outlines the basics of what the Whole 30 cleanse entails.
AND for more information about CrossFit, check out http://www.crossfit.com/cf-info/what-crossfit.html. It pretty much blows everything you've ever learned about working out out of the water.

*I don't know everything, but I will be more than happy to answer your questions, listen to your comments, and roll my eyes at your sarcastic and probably inappropriate remarks.

Awwwwwkkkkkwaaarrrrrrrdddd

2011-02-17T11:32:00.000-05:00

*I recently was telling my mom about a conversation I had with a male friend of mine. He was encouraging me to move to Florida because clearly I was too attractive to be single. I would be more "appreciated" in there.

(THAT'S not awkward at all.)

Me: "Mom, my friend wants me to move to Florida. He says he can set me up with some of his friends. He doesn't understand why I'm still single."

Mom: "Well, clearly he thinks you're a lesbian."

Me: "..........."

Me: "What, Mom?"

Mom: "Well really, Meredith. There must be something wrong with you if you are still single at your age."

ohmyword.

Happy Valentine's Day- Part 2

2011-02-15T10:36:00.004-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T17:14:00.003-05:00

I am not Aretha. Or Beyonce. But I have hott shoes.

2011-02-11T15:21:00.002-05:00

This weekend, I am attending a Soul Music themed swing dance. I'm not exactly sure what that's going to be like. I am very, very white. I can lindy hop with the best of them but, contrary to popular belief, I am not Beyonce. So, I am a little nervous about this weekend, as I have absolutely NO IDEA what to expect. But here is my consolation: I may not be able to rock it out like Aretha, or move my hips like Beyonce, but you can BET I will dress the part of a soul sister!

Not that kind of soul sister. I AM NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL.

I'm talking about SHOES.

My good friend and I went on an expedition last weekend to find the perfect pair of boots for this weekend. When we walked into a vintage store downtown we found THESE literally (okay. FINE. NOT "literally") screaming my name!

They were perfect. Beautiful. EXACTLY what I wanted. I tried them on in the dressing room with a cute dress I found. They were the perfect pair of boots. I took them off, got dressed and went in search the perfect dress. Clearly, I was having THE BEST LUCK EVER.

My luck was about to change.

I had left my belongings, along with the boots, in the dressing room, as the dresses were only a few feet away from the dressing room. I had my back turned literally (for real this time) for 2 minutes. I turn around AND SOME WOMAN IS WEARING MY BOOTS. OHMYWORD.

I turned to my friend, and I said, "OHMYWORD THAT WOMAN HAS MY BOOTS ON!" Sure enough, she has called her ENTIRE FAMILY over to admire the perfect pair of boots that were on her feet.

UNBELIEVABLE.

I had no idea what to do. I wanted to walk over to her and say, "RUDE. You took my boots out of my dressing room. I had them first. Take them off and give them back or GIRL, I WILL CUT YOU."

But, in reality, I am a weenie. I am the least confrontational person I know. This was not looking good.

Then. I had a stroke of brilliance. It was THE BEST idea I have EVER HAD. I found an employee and told them, "I left my boots in the dressing room! I can't find them anywhere! Do you know if they were put back?"

They graciously went to look for them, while I busied myself with spying on the boot-stealing woman through the dress rack. Sure enough, he found those boots. ON HER FEET. Quite diplomatically, he told her that someone else (ME) was going to purchase those and that she would have to take them off and give them back.

Ha.

So she did. But not without giving me the stink eye from across the room. But I didn't care, I loved those boots, I found those boots and I BOUGHT THOSE BOOTS. And I will rock them out this weekend.

It was the best $34.95 I have EVER SPENT.

Update: As I was trying on my fantastic pair of boots for my roommate, THE ZIPPER BROKE HALF WAY UP MY LEG. I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING YOU. I now zip my boots up with a safety pin. Don't judge.

Harlem Hot Shots - The Call Of The Lindy Hop

2011-02-05T10:37:00.002-05:00

Now THIS is some dancing!

Happy Weekend!

Your blog is flowery and the people in this library will judge me while I read it.

2011-02-04T17:01:00.000-05:00

Probably.

Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that I truly believe awkwardness is a state of mind. If you think things will be awkward, they will be. So I try really hard to go out of my way to make situations that MIGHT have the potential to be awkward, NOT awkward.

Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that I attract awkward situations. Ridiculously weird things happen to me ALL THE TIME. I think it is the Universe's way of keeping me on my toes.

ANYWAY.

I had what was quite possibly the most awkward situation I have ever had happen to me on Tuesday night. BE PREPARED. IT'S BAD.

This video briefly explains what is known as the arm slide (that is NOT the technical term for it). Pay attention to the first part of the video. The part where your arms get all twisty like. Pay realllllllllly close attention to where the guy's hand are. Or at least where they SHOULD be. (Promise you won't pay attention to ANYTHING ELSE THEY DO. Really. Don't. Swing dancers EVERWHERE will thank you.)

Tuesday night, I was dancing with a lead that was very forceful. He wasn't playfully suggesting or asking that I try a certain move, he was dictating that I do exactly what he was telling me to do. And it was physically painful. He led me into the aforevideoed arm slide, and clearly thought it would be a BRILLIANT IDEA to turn in a circle at the same time.

It wasn't.

What had happened was that, in the process of chanelling Fidel Castro himself, he had rotated his shoulder back, which in rotated MINE. Unbeknowst to me, I have a rotator cuff. And when your rotator cuff is rotated the wrong way, IT IS PAINFUL.

As I am turning in this circle with him, for what seems like forever, I am desperately devising ways to GET OUT. I see an opportunity to spin out of this awkward turn, but my lead is too strong. Because he had so much force and strength all up in this move, my desperate attemps to STOP THIS MOVE IMMEDIATELY didn't do anything. (Clearly, my survival instincts failed me. This does not bode well for me.)

All my efforts did was move his hand.

DOWN.

(You might want to rewatch that video and think for a minute about exactly WHERE someone's hand might be if they moved it down during such a move as this one.)

Yep. That's EXACTLY what happened. FULL ON BOOB GRABBAGE. So now, not only has my rotator cuff entered the seventh circle of HELL, I am actually praying that the floor would open up and SWALLOW ME ALIVE. THIS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN ON THE DANCE FLOOR.

(I wasn't even flying anywhere!)

Really.

Somehow or another, I got out. I survived. And I vowed to never dance with this man again.

AWKWARRRRRRRDDDDD TURRRRTTTLLLLLLE.

Well, probably not awkward for him.

But CRAZY awkward for ME.

This is your daily dose of peer pressure.

2011-02-01T09:56:00.001-05:00

Welcome back to 7th grade.

All the cool kids are doing it. And by cool kids, I mean me. 'Cause I'm awesome like that.

Your normal is MY weird

2010-10-15T12:04:00.000-04:00

I had a good friend tell me that yesterday. I realized that I REALLY do have the weirdest things happen to me.

Last weekend, I drove down to Atlanta for a weekend full of Lindy Hop classes and competitions. (I even went back after last year's less than stellar weekend.) I made plans to stay with my good friend, a girl I have known and danced with often over the past two years. We agreed that the general plan would be for me to sleep in her guest bedroom. (Which would be a considerable upgrade from my usual place on an air mattress on the floor.)

I arrive at her house LATE (early?) after the late night dance, around 2am. Everyone is already asleep. So I walk in the front door and promptly trip. On my own feet. Of course.

I gather all my stuff and trapse all the way up the old, creaky, rickety stairs. I finally make it up to my bedroom. I toss all my stuff on the floor and start looking for the light switch. It is DARK. And in that darkness, I hear a voice. A MAN'S VOICE.

Strange man: "I don't want to scare you or anything, but I'm in here. I just wanted to let you know."

I turn around, completely mortified. I feel AWFUL for waking this poor guy up.

Me: "I'm so sorry! I must be in the wrong room! I thought this was the guest bedroom!"

Strange man: "No, you're in the right room. You're actually going to be sharing this bed. With ME."

Me: ".........."

Me: "I'm sorry." "...........What?"

Strange man: "You will be sleeping. in this bed. with me."

Me: "Um. I don't know you."

This strange man that was in MY BED, gets up, walks over to me IN HIS UNDERWEAR, and introduces himself.

Strange man: "Hi, I'm Alex."

Me: "Hi. Okay. I still don't know you. I don't even know your last name!"

Alex: "What? Haven't you ever had a one night stand before?"

Me: ".............."

Me: "Okay, listen. I'm going to take a shower. I don't care where you sleep- whether it's in this bed or on the couch downstairs. BUT IT'S NOT GOING TO BE WITH ME."

I stomp off and get ready for bed. When I return, the man is still in bed. SNORING.

OH. MY. WORD.

I stomp downstairs and try to get settled on the couch. The couch that is not a bed. The couch that is not MY BED because SOME MAN that I DO NOT KNOW is in MY BED.

The next morning, my friend comes downstairs and says, "So, what happened last night? Why aren't you upstairs in bed?"

Me: "You do know that there was a strange man in my bed, right?"

Friend: "Of course! That's Alex! Don't you remember we talked about it?"

Me: "Um. No. I would have remembered that conversation."

Friend: "Well, we talked about it. And don't worry! He had pants on!"

OHMYWORD.

Me: "OHMYWORD. ohmyWORD. We did NOT have that conversation. And I am not sharing a bed with him tonight. I don't care if he is sleeping in a haz mat suit!"

I took the couch. Again. WHEN did my life get so.......bizarre?

It's been one week since you looked at me......

2010-09-23T14:12:00.000-04:00

Exactly five months ago today, I wrote what I thought would be my final entry into this blog. Things had gotten crazy at work regarding our internet usage, and what was being posted online about patrons. I wanted to wait for things to settle down before I wrote again. I changed the permission settings on my blog, so no one could read it without my permission. Including MY BOSS. My original plan was to wait two weeks, maybe a month. But life always happens fast, doesn't it? I feel like I turned around, and five months had past.

Wow.

To everyone who has asked about my blog, thank you. Thank you for your patience, and your persistance in asking me to start posting again. To everyone who was offended that they weren't "allowed" to read my blog, I would like you to know that I am an equal opportunity blog reader blocker, don't take it so personally. It wasn't just you. It was everyone. Including your mother. And your boss. And that crazy aunt that no one talks about.

Stay tuned. The fun is just beginning.

Again.

2010-03-23T11:51:00.005-04:00

Today, as I was driving to work, there was a notice on the interstate LED sign:

INCIDENT AHEAD

MILE MARKER 76

The good news was that I was getting off on exit 70, so there was no need for me to panic about being stuck in traffic, being late, subsequently losing my job, and therefore become the size of an oversized farm animal from sitting on the couch all day watching Rachael Ray and reruns of Saved by the Bell.

But I digress.

I get off Exit 70 (onto a completely different interstate all together), and suddenly remember to call my sister. I pick up my phone, glance down to dial, and NEARLY HIT THE CAR IN THE FRONT OF ME. I throw my phone in the air (relflexes, much?), my stuff in the front seat spills everywhere, my coffee in my NO LEAK TRAVEL MUG (Starbucks, you MOCK ME!) internally combusts and I yell all sorts of swear words that may or may not be inappropriate to say in church.

WHO STOPS ON THE INTERSTATE? We are going 80 MILES AN HOUR, people!

Not only was the car ahead of me THAT I NEARLY OBLITERATED at a dead stop, but so was every single car for the NEXT13,000 MILES. Four lanes of traffic. At a dead stand still. At 8:30 in the morning. (Hello, Jenny Craig?) Clearly, the "incident" was a LOT closer than the South Carolina Highway Patrol anticipated. AND ON THE WRONG INTERSTATE. (Seriously. Do you really want a government that clearly cannot tell the difference between exit 76 and exit 70 making important choices about your HEALTH CARE? Don't answer that.)

Needless to say, I made it to work. BARELY. (Let's all thank our lucky Twinkies.)

But almost causing a wreck, on the highway, scared me. That accident would have been my fault. All because I glanced down at my cell phone for 2 SECONDS. 2 SECONDS! So. I've made a new goal. I usually make all my phone calls when I'm driving, since it's when I have the most down time (an hour and a half!). I'm now turning my phone OFF while I'm in the car- no talking, no texting (DON'T JUDGE. You know you do it, too.), NOTHING. I'm not willing to risk the lives and the safety of myself and others just because I have to talk to my sister rightnowrightnowrightnow about what happened on Dancing with the Stars last night.

So, if you call me, and my phone is off, it's because I AM DRIVING. I'm trying to keep myself and other people SAFE. I promise to call you back when I get to where I'm going. Now, walking and talking? That's a whole different story altogether. Let's just say that it's pretty amazing I haven't fallen down a flight of stairs.

Yet.

Cake #2: Banana Cake with Quick Caramel Frosting

2010-03-12T16:38:00.010-05:00

It has been a while since I made a cake. My weekends have been busy and I've traveled last weekend to a lindy exchange, which was INCREDIBLE, by the way.

Anyway.

This weekend, I made Banana Cake with Quick Caramel Frosting. First off, I don't even really know why I made this cake because I don't really like bananas, but I was pleasantly surprised by this cake.

Ingredients:
1package (18.25 ounces) plain yellow cake mix
1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 medium-size ripe bananas, peeled & mashed (about one cup)
1 cup water
1/2 cup vegetable oil
3 large eggs
1 cup chopped pecans, toasted (optional for topping frosting)

Instructions
1. Place a rack in the center of the oven and preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease two 9-inch round cake pans with solid vegetable shortening then dust with flour. Shake out the excess flour. Set pans aside.
2. Place the cake mix, brown sugar, and cinnamon in a large mixing bowl. Add the mashed bananas, water, oil, eggs and créme de banane liqueur (if desired). Blend with an electric mixer on low speed for one minute. Stop the machine and scrape down the sides of the bowl with a rubber spatula. Increase the mixer speed to medium and beat for two minutes more, scraping the sides down again if needed. The batter should look well blended and the bananas should be well pureed. Divide the batter between the prepared pans. Place the pans in the oven side by side.

3. Bake the cakes until they are lightly browned and a toothpick inserted in the center of each layer comes out clean, 30 to 32 minutes. Remove the pans from the oven and place them on wire racks to cool for ten minutes. Run a dinner knife around the edge of each layer and invert each onto another rack so that the cakes are right side up. Allow them to cool completely 30 minutes more.

I don't think the cake is supposed to look as lopsided as mine does. I even measured out the batter to PREVENT that from happening...Evidently the issue is with my OVEN.

4. Prepare the Quick Caramel Frosting (ingredients and recipe below). This will take only 5 to 10 minutes; therefore, time the frosting preparation so that the cake has cooled enough and is ready to frost.
5. When the cake layers are cool, transfer one layer, right side up, to a serving platter. Frost the top of the layer with the warm frosting, working quickly because it will firm up as it cools.

6. While the frosting is still warm, you may want to sprinkle toasted pecans on top of the cake so that they cling to the frosting. Place the second layer, right side up, on top of the first layer and frost the top and sides of the cake, making sure to work quickly with clean, smooth strokes. Let the cake cool at least one hour for easier serving.

Quick Caramel Frosting
8 tablespoons (one stick butter)
1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
1/2 cup packed dark brown sugar
1/4 whole milk
2 cups confectioners' sugar, sifted
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

1. Place the butter and the brown sugars in a medium-size heavy saucepan over medium heat. Stir and cook until the mixture comes to a boil, about two minutes. Add the milk, stir and bring the mixture back to a boil, then remove the pan from the heat. Add the confectioners' sugar and vanilla. Beat with a wooden spoon until the frosting is smooth.
2. Use immediately (while still warm) to frost the cake of your choice or the frosting will harden. If it does harden while you are frosting the cake, simply place the pan back over low heat and stir until the frosting softens up.

*mer's note: The frosting is really runny, so don't expect a thick icing similar to a typical cake. This frosting is almost more like a glaze, but it is SO GOOD.

Enjoy!

* I really liked the combination of bananas and caramel, it made the banana flavor a bit more palatable. I probably won't make this cake again because of the whole banana factor.

3 out of 4 husbands agree....

2010-03-11T15:53:00.004-05:00

It's better to placidly agree than start yet another argument over whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher.

His license plate says "YS DEAR". Evidently, I lack the ability to take pictures. In the rain. While driving.

Cake #1: Strawberry Cake with Strawberry Icing

2010-02-16T14:07:00.000-05:00

For my first cake challenge, I made a seemingly simple strawberry cake with strawberry icing. The cake consisted of a box of white cake mix, a box of red jello and some eggs, oil and milk.

Simple. Easy. And so good.

But. It was UGLY.

I started off by greasing and flouring my baking pans, made the batter, and it baked beautifully. I set my timer and waited for the cakes to cool in the pans. While I was waiting, I made the icing. This began the downward slope to my cake's demise.

I thought my butter was "close enough" to room temperature. Evidently "close enough" only counts in hand grenades and nuclear warfare. NOT in creaming together butter and sugar.

I wound up with a sugary, strawberry-y MESS. After cursing, and yelling and general carrying-on, I added a little more butter and a little more sugar....and FINALLY came up with a beautiful pink fluffy icing.

The cakes were waiting patiently on the wire racks, secreting planning and scheming to MAKE ME LOSE MY MIND. They sat there on their wire racks for a full ten minutes (NO MORE!) and when I flipped them onto a plate. THIS is what happened.

No.

It gets WORSE.

I am not even kidding you.

I don't even know what happened to this one. (There are CHUNKS of cake MISSING and I have NO IDEA WHERE THEY WENT.)

I managed to frost it VERY carefully with my chunky buttery strawberry icing.......

The finished product! ........ and those white spots in the icing? Definitely CHUNKS of butter. mmmmm. butter.

"Mr. Photographer, I think I’m ready for my close-up tonight. Make sure you catch me from my good side..." * Yes, that is a Britney Spears reference. Don't judge.

The cake tasted amazing, but definitely needed some help in the "aesthetically pleasing" department. Next week: Banana Cake with Quick Caramel Frosting

Strawberry Cake with Fresh Strawberry Icing

Ingredients:
1 (18.25-ounce) box white cake mix 1 (3-ounce) box strawberry-flavored gelatin 1 (15-ounce) package frozen strawberries in syrup, thawed and pureed 4 large eggs 1/2 cup vegetable oil 1/4 cup water

Strawberry Frosting
1 stick butter, softened (This is not a suggestion. Seriously.)

1 (10-ounce) package frozen strawberries in syrup, thawed and pureed
7 cups confectioners’ sugar
Freshly sliced strawberries, for garnish, optional

Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease 2 (9-inch) round cake pans.
In a large bowl, combine cake mix and gelatin. Add pureed strawberries, eggs, oil, and water; beat at medium speed with an electric mixer until smooth. Pour into prepared pans, and bake for 20 minutes, or until a wooden pick inserted in the center comes out clean.
Let cool in pans for 10 minutes. Remove from pans, and cool completely on wire racks.
For the frosting:In a large bowl, beat butter and cream cheese at medium speed with an electric mixer until creamy. Beat in 1/4 cup of the strawberry puree and the strawberry extract. (The rest of the puree is leftover but can be used in smoothies or on ice cream for a delicious treat.) Gradually add confectioners’ sugar, beating until smooth.
Spread frosting in between layers and on top and sides of cake. Garnish with sliced fresh strawberries, if desired.
Refrigerate for at least 2 hours before slicing. TRUST ME on this one.

As seen around....

2010-02-15T15:27:00.005-05:00

Seriously. This has to be a joke, right? RIGHT?

It's "snot" what you think....

Seriously?

Clearly, the apple does fall QUITE far from the tree.

2010-02-13T13:29:00.013-05:00

I have learned, over the years, that I have many talents. I can write (obviously), I can teach kids to read, I can play the piano, I can swing dance. But what I cannot do, is bake. Specifically cakes.

I realized my ridiculously lack of skill the other week when I brilliantly thought of baking an ice cream cake for my friend's birthday party. (Yeah. I've...never....baked a cake before. ) I can bake other things (cookies, brownies, bread) without a problem, so I figured that, coupled with REALLY GOOD genes (my mom used to cater for a bakery) would ensure the success of an fantastic ice cream cake.

No.

Clearly, I received absolutely NONE of the "spectacular baking skills"genes.

So for a late New Year's Resolution, I decided that I am going to become better at baking cakes. (Notice how I am making my goal VAGUE yet ATTAINABLE. I just want to be able to bake the cake, throw some icing on it and have it taste good. I'm not trying to be the next Ace of Cakes, trust me.)

My goal is to bake a different cake every week, just to get the hang of baking and frosting it. And I plan on using a boxed cake mix. Every week. Don't judge.

So, in order to pull this cake baking challenge. I need your help. I need recipes! I need ideas!!

What's your favorite cake recipe?

Finished Ice Cream Cake. (Yes, it is frosted with REAL ice cream. Yes Mom, that is champagne in the background!)

Fitness Trainer Cerfitification

2010-02-03T18:45:00.005-05:00

I have my own beef with "fitness trainers", and THIS is probably why.

This "cerfitification" was created and printed here. At the LIBRARY. Click on it for a full view.

....................I think my spell check just exploded.

News

2010-02-03T17:17:00.000-05:00

Today I got news. Not bad news. Not necessarily good. It was just…surprising. So surprising it felt like a ton of bricks hit me in the stomach.

I was completely blindsided.

I can’t breathe. My stomach hurts. I might throw up.

I am completely confused with the mix of emotions I am feeling at this moment. I am angry. I am joyous. I am mourning.

I trust God’s good providence, knowing that it is for my good and His glory.

Winter Storm of the Century 2010

2010-01-31T19:00:00.002-05:00

If Elvis ain't comin' in, you KNOW it's bad.

Outside?

2010-01-30T14:28:00.005-05:00

Morning and Evening, January 29, 2010

2010-01-29T09:36:00.001-05:00

Meditation for This Morning by Charles Haddon Spurgeon:

"In our Christian pilgrimage it is well, for the most part, to be looking forward. Forward lies the crown, and onward is the goal. Whether it be for hope, for joy, for consolation, or for the inspiring of our love, the future must, after all, be the grand object of the eye of faith. Looking into the future we see sin cast out, the body of sin and death destroyed, the soul made perfect, and fit to be a partaker of the inheritance of the saints in light.

Looking further yet, the believer's enlightened eye can see death's river passed, the gloomy stream forded, and the hills of light attained on which standeth the celestial city; he seeth himself enter within the pearly gates, hailed as more than conqueror, crowned by the hand of Christ, embraced in the arms of Jesus, glorified with Him, and made to sit together with Him on His throne, even as He has overcome and has sat down with the Father on His throne. The thought of this future may well relieve the darkness of the past and the gloom of the present.

The joys of heaven will surely compensate for the sorrows of earth. Hush, hush, my doubts! death is but a narrow stream, and thou shalt soon have forded it. Time, how short—eternity, how long! Death, how brief—immortality, how endless! Methinks I even now eat of Eshcol's clusters, and sip of the well which is within the gate. The road is so, so short! I shall soon be there.

'When the world my heart is rending
With its heaviest storm of care,
My glad thoughts to heaven ascending,
Find a refuge from despair.
Faith's bright vision shall sustain me
Till life's pilgrimage is past;
Fears may vex and troubles pain me,
I shall reach my home at last.'"

Reflections

2010-01-28T23:44:00.007-05:00

Tonight, I am lonely.

It has been a long time since I felt this much of an ache in my soul.

It is on nights like these that I am intensely aware of my achingly empty ring finger, or my bed that is large enough for two, but only sleeps one. It is on nights like these that I can be surrounded by people, by family, by friends, and yet still feel so....alone.

I long for marriage on these days. I long for companionship, for someone to share inside jokes with, to share my toothbrush holder with, someone whose laugh I have memorized and whose silly idiosincracies I have come to cherish.

I am praying for my future husband, whomever he may be, whenever the Lord finds it good to bring him into my life. If ever the Lord finds it good. I pray even more that I might find contentment where He has me, exactly where He has me.

It is times like these that I need to remind myself that husbands fail, and love waxes and wanes as the moon, but that my Savior has proven Himself to be faithful, proven Himself to be good and promised to be the husband that I am longing for. My sole satisfaction, contentment, joy should be found in Him alone now, and later, single or married.

Class

2010-01-28T16:27:00.009-05:00

I am taking a class called "Man and Sin" at a local seminary. I am working on my NANC Certification, and I needed to take some theology classes toward my certification. I thought this would be a pretty basic class.....man, sin, Christ. The End.

No.

This class was beyond anything I had ever expected.

I almost cried within the first five minutes. As my professor is reviewing the syllabus, I look down to see the criteria for my grade:

- a five page paper due is EVERY WEEK. We are to submit it by Tuesday at noon, and email it every person in the class AND

- do a twenty minute presentation on your research. In front of the class.

- ohmyWORD.

........This week, we were randomly assigned a theologian to study, and to write our paper on their views of creation. I was assigned some obscure theologian, who I have NEVER even heard of, nor do I have ANY IDEA what his views on creation are.

It's gonna be a long week.

This class is three hours long. Three long. arduous. hours. of LECTURE. We begin by discussing creation, in Genesis 1. For three hours, we pick apart the first two verses. TWO VERSES. IN THREE HOURS. I am struggling to follow the Hebrew origins of these words, and my professor's exegesis of Genesis. I look around the class to see if anyone else is struggling as much as I am. Out of six men in my class, one is checking his email, one is on Google, and one is taking notes in Hebrew. HEBREW.

I think I am in the wrong class.

My homework for next week? To read the following:
a Brakel, Christians Reasonable Service, I, 265-284
Bavinck, Our Reasonable Faith, 162-176
Bavinck, In the Beginning, 23-60, or Reformed Dogmatics, II, 406-439,
Berkhof, Systematic Theology, 126-164
Buswell, Systematic Theology, I, 130-162
Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, I, 177-199
Dabney, Systematic Theology, 247-263
Gill, J. Body of Divinity, 256-261
Grudem, pp. 262-314
Hodge, A.A., Outlines of Theology, 237-248
Hodge, C., Systematic Theology, I, 550-574
Hoeksema, Reformed Dogmatics, 169-196
Reymond, pp. 383-395
Shedd, Dogmatic Theology, I, 423-526
Strong, A.H., Systematic Theology, I, 371-410
Thornwell, Collected Writings, I, 206-222.
Turretin, Institutes of Elenctic Theology, I, 431-461
Young, E. J., Studies in Genesis One

In other news.....Because I am scheduled to work this weekend, I am sleeping with my pajamas inside out.

Friday Night: Rain and snow before 1am, then rain and sleet between 1am and 4am, then freezing rain after 4am. . Chance of precipitation is 100%.

Saturday: Freezing rain before 7am, then freezing rain and sleet. High near 32. Chance of precipitation is 90%.

Saturday Night: A slight chance of snow before 1am. Mostly cloudy, with a low around 21. North wind between 5 and 11 mph. Chance of precipitation is 20%.

Words of Wisdom....from my dad

2010-01-14T11:06:00.001-05:00

Ben Franklin once said, "In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water........

.....there is bacteria."

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor), because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health .

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of poop.

I love my dad.

Kristen

2010-01-13T08:21:00.001-05:00

I met Kristen just about a year ago. I was learning to swing dance, and it was obvious that she knew what she was doing. She was such a tiny little thing, like a fairy, practically floating above the dance floor, follow the leads of her dance partner perfectly. You could tell she loved dancing- her face glowed as she went from swing out to swing out-I knew I wanted to dance like her when I grew up.

I got to know Kristen better as my dancing improved. The more time I spent with her, the more I fell in love with her bright personality, her compassion for others and her zeal for life and love and dancing and travel.

What impacted me the most was her willingness to sacrifice the modern conveniences we have here in American to travel to one of the poorest countries in the world- Haiti. She taught at a school there, inspiring children who didn't even know they had a future that there was a world beyond their poverty. She lived the dream of every teacher- truly inspiring children to love learning and to be on an endless quest for knowledge.

Yesterday, an earthquake with a 7.0 magnitude struck Haiti. Kristen had returned there on Sunday, after a much needed haitus with her family here in America. No one has heard from her, her missions organization or her school.

Please pray for Kristen- for her safety, for her family, and for the country of Haiti.

**Update** LCS, the school where Kristen was working, has only some damage to their walls. The school has sent three students to the hospital for care. Kristen and all the other volunteers are okay. Please continue to pray for the people of Haiti and the spread of the Gospel through this tragic event. Our God is good and sovereign even in the midst of tragedy.

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"

2010-01-11T12:46:00.007-05:00

I have never been the most graceful of people. Even as a child, I was constantly tripping on my feet, stubbing my toe, falling out of bed and walking into concrete walls. I thought maybe, as I aged, I would grow out of my clumsiness. (Or at least marry a vampire who would watch out for my safety and well being all the time and generally just protect me from myself!)

No.

That is most definitely not. the. case. (reference, reference, and others I just haven't told you about.)

Evidently, clumsiness runs in our family.

My sister called me a few weeks ago......

It was a cold day. One of those wintry days where you just want to stay inside and drink hot chocolate and read a book. There was ice EVERYWHERE. (And really, if ice is not a reason to stay home, I don't know what is!) Evidently, my sister was walking to her car. And she DOES NOT travel lightly. That poor girl had her arms full- a purse overflowing, a work purse overflowing with paperwork, her lunch, her dog, the kitchen sink- so her center of balance was off. She stepped off teh sidewalk.
"...........I was walking out to my car and I tripped on the sidewalk! My purse fell open and all my stuff fell out and I just LAID there in the driveway, feeling stupid! The worst part is that I don't even know what I tripped on!"

New Year's Resolutions Part 1

2010-01-06T21:43:00.001-05:00

This is not the Resolution part. This is the part where I talk about how much I love lists and post it notes (NOT YELLOW.) and highlighters and planners (ESPECIALLY PLANNERS.) and all things office supplies. I wish my office were located in an office supply warehouse. Sigh.

ANYWAY.

Happy Wednesday!

1. A woman came up to me today and told me that she was in LOVE with Joe Jonas and that he was in love with HER. He had even asked her to marry him and she CRIED. I didn't tell her that she was old enough to be his mother. Awkward.

2. I ate four Krispy Kreme doughnuts for lunch today. Don't judge.

3. We are supposed to get weather tomorrow or Friday. PRAY FOR SNOW.

4. I'm glad my priorities are in order- we aren't praying for world peace or a cure for cancer. We are praying for SNOW. So I don't have to go to work.

5. A man called tonight requesting information about the cookie diet he saw on The View. He told me Dr. Phil had lost a ton of weight eating Christmas cookies.

6. There is NO JUSTICE in this world.

7. I have not taken down my Christmas tree yet. Don't judge.

8. I have PEOPLE COMING OVER TO MY HOUSE. I AM ENTERTAINING THIS WEEKEND. Alert the media.

9. My house is messy. I am not ready for people to come over. I am stressed out.

10. And my Christmas tree is still up.

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T23:05:00.003-05:00

Today.

This year.

Amen.

In other NON-ALCOHOL related Christmas Events.....

2009-12-31T15:11:00.019-05:00

A bunch of friends came over and built gingerbread houses the OLD FASHIONED WAY- with graham crackers and vanilla icing. Rock on.

Finished Products!

Yes. That is definitely a gingerbread tank.

This time last year.

2009-12-30T20:22:00.003-05:00

I remember last year vividly.

I was living by myself in my very own apartment. It had been nine months since my divorce, and being social was still really hard. I still got hives when I met new people, or was in stressful social situations. I still had panic attacks. Often. But I was really working on being more social (and by "being more social" I mean actually leaving the house to somewhere other than work or the grocery store), and getting out.....more. Without having a meltdown.

This time last year, I felt hopeful. I felt adventurous. I was also eating my weight in Christmas cookies and egg nog (old habits die hard. ), so for the sake of my budget and girlish figure, I HAD to get out of the house. I packed up my knitting bag and drove to Barnes and Noble. I knitted for a full hour, listening to Elvis croon Christmas songs, surrounded by people reading....talking.... laughing.

And I was happy.

Growing up, I was a HUGE social butterfly- I loved acting and performing and meeting new people. I was an extrovert in every sense of the word. I literally thrived on being around people. But, when I had to start going places without my husband, making excuses for him, functioning without him, I began to unravel.....change.....Social situations became harder for me to handle; just the thought of meeting new people made me break out in cold sweats. I would get really frustrated with myself, and try to change back to who I used to be. But the harder I tried, the more difficult it became for me to be around people. And so, eventually, with time, I stopped trying to be someone I wasn't. Anymore. I began to embrace my introvert tendencies. I realized that it was okay to not always want to be surrounded by people, to get your energy from being ALONE.

I really can't believe how far I've come in a year- I haven't gotten hives in a long time, and I can comfortably walk into a room where I don't know anyone and not hyperventilate.....Time does heal all wounds, but I think you also have to be willing to embrace yourself for who you are- even if you don't recognize them.

Life is good.

Dear Dad,

2009-12-29T19:33:00.003-05:00

What I Did On My Christmas Vacation

2009-12-29T17:52:00.011-05:00

I straightened my hair.
Evidently, I did not have enough to do over my Christmas break. It seriously took me a full THIRTY MINUTES to straighten my hair with a straightener. But it looked AMAZING. It even got me a pick up line!

I drank lots of egg nog. A LOT. With rum.
Merry Christmas to me!

I ACTUALLY FINISHED reading a book in its entirety.
I usually don't have time to read, and that makes me sad. I always wish I could lie in bed all day and read, so over Christmas, that is exactly what I did.
Mennonite in a Little Black Dress by Rhoda Janzen was actually recommended to me by my supervisor. It's a hilarious memoir written by a woman who grew up Mennonite. It is a great book to spend the day reading, while you drink coffee with egg nog and rum. (or just rum! Hey, it's Christmas!)

I saw Handel's Messiah. Twice.
And it was A.MAZING. I think we have the most talented college students in America.

I sent Christmas cards. Almost.
Last year, on the day after Christmas, I ventured out to the Wal-Marts to find Christmas decorations. I found the cutest. Christmas. cards. EVER. They were covered in red and green pawprints, and included a place where you can glue a picture of you and your dog, wishing everyone a Merry Christmas. These cards were so cute my eyes hurt.

My roomie was sweet enough to stage a photo shoot for Sadie and me in front of our Christmas tree. She took SIXTEEN photos of Sadie and me. One would think we would have more than just Sadie looking in the wrong direction, me yelling at Sadie, me smiling holding Sadie in the holdstillwe'retryingtotakeyourpicture death grip. Let me just tell you. NOT ONE SINGLE PICTURE CAME OUT. NOT ONE.

So. No cards were sent. Sorry.

I made Christmas Eve Chicken Fried Rice for 38 people.
Let me just clarify, there were not 38 people at my house. I am still a hermit. Thank you.

I decided that I was going to make "eating Chinese food on Christmas Eve" one of my new Christmas traditions. So. I was definitely over ambitious and decided to cook Chicken Fried Rice At my house. On Christmas Eve. My logic at the time was, "Why cook for thirty minutes and just have one meal when I can cook for thirty minutes and have enough to feed a small army?" So I cooked. A lot. And I fried rice. (Tried to, at least. Come on, give a girl some credit!)
And, for the record, it definitely took longer than thirty minutes. I ended up with about 16 servings of Chicken Fried Rice that now reside happily in single serving portions in my freezer.
I will probably finish them right around Christmas Eve of next year.

I attended the second annual Anderson-Barry Christmas Day celebration.
Last Christmas Day, I made a rum cake and trekked over to a friend's house to celebrate Christmas. It was exactly how I would have imagined Christmas Day to be, if I had grown up celebrating it. Great food, great friends, great memories.

This year was no exception. We ate artery clogging shrimp and grits made with cheese, butter, heavy cream and more cheese. We laughed over failed Halloween costumes ("Why are you dressed as Julius Caesar with a light saber??"). We played speed Scrabble until our exhausted and cheese and heavy cream filled bodies could no longer put together coherent words. It was exactly how I would want to spend Christmas Day.

I celebrated THREE engagements.
Seriously. I CELEBRATED. With RUM.

I also celebrated my singleness. With RUM.
Don't judge.

I hope your holidays were as merry as mine! Merry Christmas!

Single.

2009-12-28T15:58:00.011-05:00

The Christmas Season seems to bring out the fact that yes, I am SINGLE. Evidently, everyone else has a problem with it but ME. INCLUDING my thirteen year old JAIL BAIT neighbor.

My neighbor is probably about thirteen. Okay, maybe sixteen, but NO MORE. He yells across the courtyard the other day and says, "HEEYY!" "Has anyone told you thank you recently? 'Cause I just wanted to thank you for doing your part to make the world a more beautiful place!"

ALSO. I Am NOT ENGAGED.
Three of my friends just got engaged. On Christmas Day. Seriously. I went to an engagement party the day after Christmas and was cornered by a mutual acquaintance, who may or may not have been hitting the holiday nog a bit too hard......

"So......when are we going to have an engagement party for YOU?"

"..........when a man PROPOSES to me. And there has been NO PROPOSAL. No man. No proposal."'

".............Oh."

At that same party, a sweet old woman from my church approaches me:

"Have you thought about that guy?"

"Which guy?"

"Oh, you know! That guy! He's tall and has dark hair and he's on Facebook!"

I tried explaining to her that I have many male friends who have dark hair and are on Facebook, but she would have nothing of it.

I'm secretly terrified she is setting me up with my thirteen year old neighbor.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.......

2009-12-19T12:12:00.012-05:00

So, I am working today.

Despite the tree that fell on a nearby library, the ice on the roads, and the general WHITE PRECIPITATION falling from the sky, our library decided that our patrons COULD NOT WAIT ANOTHER DAY to return their books.

Hence, the grumpiness.

My mom felt so badly that I had to work today, she decided to call me this morning to give me some work to do:

Mom: "I need you to find a book for me. I need you to do one of those Library Loan things. Do you do that?"

Me: "Mom, all libraries let you borrow books. Do you know the name of it?"

Mom: ".........."

Me: "Mom?"

Mom: "Sorry, I was just looking for it on that line thing."

Me: "What line thing, Mom? ON line? The Internet?"

Mom: "Nevermind, I will just have your father get it for me on that book buying line thing. Love you!"

In Other News....

2009-12-17T14:52:00.006-05:00

Tomorrow, we are supposed to get precipitation.

A LOT of precipitation.

We don't get a lot of wintry weather here, so our entire state is in a state of PANIC. (I'm sure if we visited the Wal-Marts right now, my neighbors might just be beating up your sweet old grandma for some milk and bread.) It's a little annerving because we were already in a state of PANIC, what with Christmas being a mere 8 days away, I'm worried we will all be on Prozac by the New Year....

The library is great about closing for "weather". Unfortunately, I am working this weekend, and the weather is coming ON MY DAY OFF. I am praying that it sticks around long enough for me to get a snow day out of it. But it's doubtful.

My boss sent me an email this morning:

I have learned over the last several years that if you actually want it to snow then you need to sleep with a spoon under your pillow and your pajamas inside out!

I know how I will be sleeping for the next two nights!

Christmas time is here......

2009-12-16T12:16:00.000-05:00

Ahh, Christmas. There is not one thing that I dislike about the holiday season- I love the beautiful Christmas trees, lit with shiny, blinking lights, the woodsy smell of the balsam fir, eggnog (who doesn't love eggnog?!) and the general sense of good will and cheer. I even love the shopping- I know, crazy!

The Christmas season always makes me think back to a Christmas performance I once did in college. A bunch of other homeschooled kids and I were attending the local community college. We all joined a "glee club" of sorts that put on performances throughout the year so our parents could sleep at night, knowing we had filled our social and cultural quota for the year.

For Christmas, our director had decided that we should sing a compilation of various new and favorite Christmas songs. She decided this in JUNE. We practiced and practiced for SIX LONG MONTHS- learning Christmas songs, choreographing dances around a rotating inflatable Frosty.....It was RIDICULOUS.

Opening night came, and we were ready! (We had A FULL HOUSE!) We were decked out in our hideous Christmas costumes on, we sprayed our hair up to high heaven, and then sprayed the bottom of our dancing shoes with whatever hairspray was left so we wouldn't slip on stage. (FAMOUS LAST WORDS. I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING YOU.)

We made it about halfway through the musical when we started singing "Frosty the Snowman" and dancing in a circle around Frosty. As we were dancing, little white soapy puffs ("snowflakes")start falling from the ceiling.

THIS was not in the script.

(We all know I am not the most graceful when walking and talking, let alone dancing and singing around an inflatable 10 foot snowman with soap suds falling from the ceiling.) As soon as I get right in front of Frosty, I slip. And fall. FLAT ON MY FACE.

I remember laying there on the stage, wondering exactly what had happened.....and why people were jumping over me. Then I realized. OHMYWORD I AM ON THE FLOOR.

In my delusional state of a concussion from FALLING ON MY FACE ON STAGE, I thought maybe (MAYBE) no one had seen me.

No.

EVERYONE (my parents, my grandma, my uncles, my friends, my director, my neighbors, my aunt's cousin's step brother twice removed) came up to me after our performance, detailing their reaction the moment I fell......("LAWSY, when you fell, honey child, I could've sworn you done broke your collar bone and smashed in that pretty face of yours....")

OHMYWORD.

They say time heals all wounds, even the bruises on your ego (and parts of your body you didn't know could hurt so bad). With time, the Frosty Debacle was forgotten.(Praise Jesus, Joy to the world!) Or so I thought.

So, today a friend called me and left me a voicemail: "Hey, I was listening to some Christmas music, Frosty the Snowman, actually, and remember that time in the Isotones, when you FELL in front of everybody??!"

Whoever said time heals all wounds?

THEY LIED.

random musings

2009-12-15T15:54:00.001-05:00

1. It has been raining for three days straight. I am going to lose my mind.

2. I've checked out Stephen King's The Stand. OHMYWORD It is BIG. I think it may take me the rest of my life to read it all.

3. I just taught 6 senior citizens how to create and use a Yahoo email account. One sent me an email that said, "Thank you so much for being so patient with us old folks."

4. Another email said, "I love you so much and hope to see you again soon." AWWWKWARD.

5. This afternoon, I told my boss I wanted to take my break (and read) at my desk instead of walking down three flights of stairs. He told me that the handbook specifically stated that I needed to get up and walk around on my break.

6. I am on a vegetarian kick. Tonight I am making these. YUM.

7. A co-worker is planning a girl's night out here. I love my job.

Vinegar Pie

2009-12-11T16:04:00.005-05:00

So I was checking out the blog "Stuff Christians Like" and found the following post: (Before I let you read it, I do have to say that it resonates SO WELL with me because I am not originally from the South. I had to literally learn what it meant when someone used the term "Bless Your Heart". (And, I have learned it is about so much more than I originally thought!)

ANYWAY.

Happy Monday!

Recently someone shared his thoughts with me about Stuff Christians Like:
“stuff white people like is much better than this lame blog. its really sad that tongue in cheek christian schtick even rips clever pop culture. Clander (the author of the book Stuff White People Like) got a book deal because his stuff is original. but, you’ll probably get one because his stuff is original too. i’m sure you’re a nice guy and i hope you do well. but seriously, create don’t ape.”

There are a number of things I’d like to dissect in that comment but to do so would just perpetuate the cycle of “Christian on Christian Web Violence.” But there is one thing I can’t let slide, if only because I am guilty of it too. I am referring of course to the second to last sentence in that comment, “I’m sure you’re a nice guy and I hope you do well.”

That is such a great example of the “bless her heart syndrome” (BHHS) that I can’t leave it alone. For those that didn’t read the original post, BHHS is when you verbally slam, gossip or attack someone else and then try to save face by throwing in a comment like “bless her heart.” In the south I’ve heard it called “giving someone a piece of vinegar pie.”

The fake kindness in comments like that is easy to point out, but the reality is that sometimes other Christians are better at disguising it. Sometimes people, including me, will be a little more subtle at executing Bless Her Heart Syndrome. Here are four other variations you need to watch out for:

1. “I don’t mean to be ugly” Sure you do and you know you’re about to be ugly or else you wouldn’t have thrown out that disclaimer at the start of the sentence. Often, if you have to explain why something you’re about to say is not hateful, you’re about to say something hateful.

2. “In Christian Love” Most of the time people do the BHHS behind your back. But sometimes, they’ll drop some BHHS right in your lap. For instance, if anyone says, “I hope you can receive this in Christian love,” get ready to be hated on. Seriously, no one ever says, “I hope you can receive this in Christian love, but you’re doing a really good job leading that ministry” or “I find the dresses you wear to church to be both appropriate and awesome.” It’s usually an insult thinly veiled as advice or love. Not always, but usually.

3. “God laid this on my heart” Oh snap, you just threw God under the bus. (I find myself saying “Oh snap” a lot lately, perhaps as a tribute to Biz Markie?) You just prefaced something mean you’re about to say about somebody by blaming it on God. And although I do think that sometimes God gives us messages for other people, I have a hard time believing He ever asks us to gossip about other people, “I need you to be a jerk for me. I need you to be my rod of punkitude. I need you to be my vessel of gossip.”

4. “I’m just concerned” This is the one I am most guilty of. Sometimes in order to look smart or wise, I’ll gossip about someone else’s problems, give my insightful solution and then try to gift wrap the whole gossipy mess with the phrase, “I’m just concerned.” But the truth is I’m not concerned about the person I’m talking about. If I was, I would be talking with them, not about them. There’s a huge difference between those two words.

I think there are probably a million other variations of the BHHS. But please tell me that if we’re ever in a conversation and I tell you that “I am concerned about this other blogger…” please immediately respond, “No you’re not, you’re just jealous and now you’re trying to disguise that jealousy in nice words that make you look smart and kind.” And then give me a handful of Good n’ Plenty candy. Those are disgusting. You think they’re going to be delicious like Good n’ Fruity, but they’re not. They’re just sad little pieces of licorice wearing a candy coat shell that tastes like pepto bismol. It’s the only way I’ll learn.

My water bottle

2009-12-10T12:37:00.012-05:00

A few years ago, a friend of mine came to work with this:

OHMYWORD. It was love at first sight.

I used to be a die hard Nalgene fan. Nalgenes were pretty much indestructible, and great for hiking. But I hated the fact that the plastic would hold the taste of other liquids (like Kool-Aid or orange juice). Even more than that, I hated the open mouth bottle. Listen, I am not very graceful, people! I need all the help I can get just trying to walk in high heels (Please awkward moment #56,394-the second half).

My Nalgene bottle had a rather large opening, and when I drank out of it, I consistently (meaning, EVERY SINGLE TIME), spilled water on me. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

The Camelbak water bottle was like an adult sippie cup. It was impossible to spill it (praise Jesus, Joy to the World!) and I loved it dearly. And also, I am pretty much the most hydrated person I know. I drink obscene amounts of water. It's probably not very healthy.

Then, one sad, sad, day, the indestructible water bottle broke. I finally dropped it one too many times, and not only cracked the side, but broke the straw. It was a sad day. I felt like someone had CUT OFF MY ARM. (Addicted much? I think NOT.)

I decided to test my pathetic addiction to this water bottle by purchasing a smaller water bottle at Wal-Mart. I used it for three days, and then donated it to Goodwill. I HATED IT. Not one to give up easily, I found yet another water bottle, this one pink! and stainless steel, at Marshalls. It lasted one week. At this point, I had spent $15 on water bottles.

On Wednesday, I finally went into Dick's Sporting Good and bought a beautiful, red Camelbak.

..............And all was well with the world.

Sadie

2009-12-07T16:32:00.004-05:00

My dog, Sadie, loves LOVES to be petted- scratched behind her ears, rubbed on her belly. It doesn't matter. In fact, to get your attention, she will sit to be petted. And if you are standing, she has this annoying habit of sticking her face in your.....well, you know.....to get your attention.

It's led to quite the inapproprite conversation. And also awkward moments.

My roomie and I had a group of about fifteen people over for lunch on Sunday. After we ate, I let Sadie out of her crate to socialize. She made the rounds around the room, asking everyone to pet her by sitting quietly by their feet, maybe nudging their hand a little bit. She stopped by one of our friends, and promptly began digging her entire face into his lap.

Awkward.

I poured myself a glass of wine.

My friends are now making inappropriate comments, and laughing hysterically, while I am hiding in the kitchen drinking wine. Two other girls, who up until this point have been involved in their own conversation, now want to know what's so funny.....they turn to me and say, "What's so funny?"

The entire room goes silent.

I pour myself another glass of wine, and put the dog trainer on speed dial.

OHMYWORD CHEESECAKE!

2009-11-28T14:54:00.007-05:00

For Thanksgiving, I made a cheesecake, instead of pumpkin pie. I don't like pumpkin pie. At all. Don't judge.

This was quite possibly THE. BEST. CHEESECAKE EVER.

I recommend stopping whatever you're doing RIGHT NOW and make it.

Pumpkin-Chocolate Swirl Cheesecake

Chocolate Crust
1 1/2 cups chocolate graham cracker crumbs (I used gluten free ginger snaps instead)

4 Tbs. unsalted butter, melted

Cheesecake
4 oz. bittersweet chocolate
2 cups low-fat cottage cheese
2 8-oz. pkg. Neufchâtel cheese, softened
2 cups light brown sugar
3 large eggs
1/3 cup flour (I used white rice flour)
1 15-oz. can pumpkin
1 1/2 Tbs. ground ginger
1 1/2 Tbs. ground cinnamon
2 tsp. vanilla extract
1 tsp. ground nutmeg

Directions
1. Preheat oven to 350F. To make Chocolate Crust: Coat 9-inch springform pan with cooking spray. Combine graham cracker crumbs and butter in medium bowl. Press into prepared pan, and bake 10 minutes.

2. Melt chocolate in bowl in microwave on medium power, stirring every 30 seconds to heat evenly. Set aside. Blend cottage cheese in food processor 3 minutes, until smooth. Add Neufchâtel cheese, brown sugar, eggs and flour, and process until smooth. Add pumpkin, ginger, cinnamon, vanilla and nutmeg, and process 1 minute, or until smooth.

3. Whisk 1 cup cream cheese batter into melted chocolate. Pour remaining batter into crust. Spoon dollops of chocolate mixture onto batter, and swirl with knife.

4. Bake cheesecake 1 1/2 hours, or until top is firm and cake is beginning to pull away from sides of pan. Cool completely on wire rack, then chill well before unmolding and serving.

2009-10-22T14:52:00.005-04:00

This past weekend, I went to Atlanta for a swing dancing workshop called AVS, Atlanta Varsity Showdown (http://www.aseda.org/avs/index.php?page=handbook). It was AMAZING. For the past year, I have been working REALLY HARD on a dance called the Lindy Hop. (Here's a brief history: http://www.lindycircle.com/history/lindy_hop/) I've gone to workshops, danced social dances, and taken lessons. I've worked HARD.

During on the workshops this weekend, I was being observed by one of the foremost Lindy teachers in the country, Bill Borgida (http://www.billborgida.com/). This man is incredibly talented and it was an honor to have him critique my performance. As I was dancing, Bill asked if he could use me as an example. In front of 100 other students. OH MY WORD.

Because I get hives carrying on conversations, and usually cry, I initially thought there would be NO WAY I was going to do that. But then I thought, "This seriously could be an opportunity of a lifetime. When else would something like this come along?"

He pulls me to the front of the room, and begins to dance with me. He turns to the class and says, "Pay attention. This what you should NOT do."

Wait a minute.

WHAT?

OH MY WORD I WANTED TO DIE. Right there. Sweet, amazing Bill ripped apart everything I knew about dancing and told me it was all wrong. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. In front of 100 other dancers.

.............................Let me just say. That was really hard to hear. REALLY HARD. And I wanted to die. My pride, my hard work, was smashed to a million little pieces. I never wanted to dance again. EVER.

But there more I thought about it the more I realized how foolish my thinking was. How prideful could I be to think that after a mere year of dancing I would be a professional, that I would no longer need to practice? The best dancers are the ones who never. stop learning.

Isn't that how it is with everything? We should take every opportunity to learn and grow and change. We should never. stop. learning.

A Cure for the Introvert! Horray!

2009-10-14T13:41:00.004-04:00

It is not a little known fact that given the choice, I would rather live as a crazy cat (dog) lady hermit, never leaving my apartment, living happily with my dog and my books and my knitting than be a social butterfly.

Evidently, there's a cure for that. I received this email from my dad this morning.

.....................................................................................................

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas. Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas. Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:
- Dizziness
- Nausea
- Vomiting
- Incarceration
- Erotic lustfulness
- Loss of motor control
- Loss of clothing
- Loss of money
- Loss of virginity
- Table dancing
- Headache
- Dehydration
- Dry mouth
- And a desire to sing Karaoke

WARNINGS:
• The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
• The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
• The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing.
• The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

Classic.

2009-10-12T11:50:00.000-04:00

No one is immune.

2009-10-03T16:03:00.003-04:00

If you use bad grammar, if you misspell words, I WILL MAKE FUN OF YOU. No matter who you are, or where you're hiding, I will hunt you down and belittle your ignorance.

THERE'S NO EXCUSE, PEOPLE!

The Best Birthday Present. Ever. (Sorry, Lauren.)

2009-10-01T16:54:00.007-04:00

My "librarian" friend, Tara, KNITTED me an amazing birthday cupcake, complete with a candle. It is quite possibly even better than a washing machine.

P.S. The card says, "eat more cake."

Sweet Caroline

2009-09-25T11:49:00.009-04:00

While I was married, I lived in Cody, Wyoming. Two years of my life were spent working, living, playing there. Despite the fact that is where my marriage ended, I really miss living there. Crazy.

Some of my weirdest memories were made here, at the Lockhart Inn Bed and Breakfast. It was originally owned by Buffalo Bill's sweetheart, Caroline Lockhart and was then owned by my in laws. They were gracious enough to let my husband and I live there rent free when we first got to Cody. It is surrounded by beautiful views of the Yellowstone River and three different mountain ranges.

But it was haunted.

Many, many nights we would awaken to hear voices and crying babies and water running on the third floor. The only problem was there there was no third floor. We were told that the ghost of Caroline Lockhart was a friendly ghost and that she didn't mean any harm....

When we cleaned the rooms, we could hear an animal growling, or feel a cold (or hot, depending on the day!) presence in the room. We would clean and organize, and then Caroline would come and rearrange things. Doors left open were shut, pillows on the bed were put on the floor. Spices that were right side up were upside down. Cups and glasses would be broken in bedrooms, shattered glass littering the carpet. No matter how hard we worked, we constantly felt like we were being watched..... followed.....ridiculed.

It was exhausting.

And everyone else thought it was pretty awesome. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.

When we finally moved out, NO ONE was happier than we were.

A Guardian Angel

2009-09-24T16:19:00.011-04:00

Last night, I think I met my guardian angel, sent from heaven to ask me if I was fulfilled in life, and happy. Or maybe it was my former husband, visiting me as a ghost of lifetimes past, to see what I was up to.

And, of course, I am even hotter, smarter and more successful than I once was. Ha.

His loss.

But, I digress.

I was walking Sadie last night, late at night. I had just gotten home from a really long day, and was still in my work clothes. I was walking my dog, late at night, in heels. (Really. Who does that?) I walked past a young guy, in his twenties, maybe, and as I passed him, he reached down to pet Sadie. It really wasn't a big deal until I realized he wanted to talk. Talk talk.

It is after midnight, and I am alone. In heels. With my dog, who sometimes bites her own foot and then looks at me, whimpering loudly as if to say, "OH MY WORD MAKE IT STOP!!!!" Seriously.

I was getting a little concerned for my safety, at this point.

He tell me his name (mental note! MENTAL NOTE!) and his takes a seat on the sidewalk. I notice his full length sleeve tattoos, the way his head is shaved, wondering if I could identify him in a police line up. (My dog, in the meantime, is licking him profusely and has practically crawled into his lap.)

He tells me that he is a nurse at a regional area hospital. And that he might be a little intoxicated right now.

He tells me of the night his sister died. Of how she was visiting him in Hawaii and she had a head on collision with another car. And how he recently committed his mom to a mental hospital in North Carolina because she couldn't handle the pain of losing a daughter.

And how she slit her throat yesterday with a piece of broken glass.

Oh my word.

I am SERIOUSLY CONCERNED for my safety, at this point.

I felt SO BAD for this poor guy- drunk on the sidewalk, in the middle of the night, mourning the loss of what little family he had, and covered in my dog's drool. But, I was scared. He was drunk and hurting and angry. And lonely.

And then, in a moment of clarity, he asks, "Are you happy?" (I kind of started to panic a little. Like when you get a little uncomfortable with a situation and then you get hives and then you get completely irrational and convince yourself that you are dealing with the next Jeffery Dahmer...? Maybe that's just me....)

"Of course!" I say. "I love my life, my job....."

"Do you feel fulfilled with what you do?"

I thought about that one. I thought about how I should answer, clearly, coherently (I was the sober (albeit, a little irrational) one here, after all). I compared it to what I used to do, which was teach. And I realized, that, Yes, I was fulfilled. I love my job, working with primarily underprivileged people, teaching basic computer classes. EDUCATING. EMPOWERING. MAKING A DIFFERENCE.

"Yes. I do feel fulfilled."

And he said "Good. That's good. You need to do what makes you happy. Life is too short to have a job you hate."

And on that note, he turned around, bid me goodnight, and went on his way, leaving both me and my dog standing there wondering what in the world happened.

Clean Teeth!

2009-09-16T12:03:00.005-04:00

I have not been to the dentist in a while. Partly, because I don't like to go and partly, because I didn't have insurance.
Well, I went yesterday, and evidently, I have a lifetime of plaque buildup on my teeth. Which is kind of gross. But the hygenist got to spend an entire hour and a half (!) cleaning my teeth!

It's always awkward when you visit the dentist and they talk to you and ask questions WITH THEIR HANDS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH.

How are you supposed to answer without feeling like there is hand inside your mouth?

Really.

I had one of the most talkative hygenists this side of the Mississippi. We covered a broad broad range of topics, most of which were probably inappropriate.

She had just gotten started, and immediately started in on some pretty personal turf....."So, how old are you? Do you have a boyfriend?" "Are you married?"

I answered as coherently as possible, "No, I am not married, I do not have a boyfriend." Which came out more like, "Ghmmpdhh mmajhdone de oasfnifhd."

Well.
That opened an hour and a half of marriage counseling issues.

"Well, you should be glad that you aren't married because let me just tell you my husband is just like another child..blah....blah....blah....and he does this and he does that.......blah...blah....blah"

FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF.

I wanted to tell her to please stop complaining, because she is probably responsible for half the problems in her marriage and unless he is having an affair with another woman, she needed to stop being disrespectful to her husband, be quiet and work on her marriage. And even if he was having an affair, she needed to stop being disrespectful to her husband, be quiet and work on her marriage.

I didn't tell her that. She would probably think I was unqualified.

And plus, her hands were jammed ALL THE WAY up in my mouth.

haircut

2009-09-14T12:58:00.000-04:00

So. I got a post break up haircut on Sunday. Because that is what every woman does when her heart is crushed. Besides eat break up bacon. And drink wine. Right?

Right?

I was visiting Carol, my very best friend EVER, when I mentioned I wanted to cut my hair.

"Oh, I know of the PERFECT person cut your hair! She did a great job with mine!", she said.

And Carol's hair looked awesome. And I trusted Carol. That's just what bosom buddies do.

She drove all the way across town to her stylist. We walk in the door, and the stylist greets us emphatically. A little too emphatically.

IN CHINESE.

"Chee Ching Cho Woo Chow Mein!", she says.

OH. MY. WORD.

This woman DOES NOT EVEN SPEAK A WORD OF ENGLISH. And this woman IS GOING TO CUT MY HAIR OFF.

I turn arond and practically run Carol over as I try to escape what could be the WORST POSSIBLE MISTAKE of my life.

"Are you crazy?!" I hiss, "She doesn't even speak ENGLISH!"

"Just TRUST me, she will do a great job!" Carol said encouragingly.

Listen. I have known Carol for the better part of almost half my life. I love her dearly. And I'd trust her with anything. If she told me she spent the day chilling with Michael Jackson and Jimmy Hoffa, I'd believe her.

But this is my HAIR we are talking about. And that woman cannot communicate in English. I don't think I could use six week's worth of sick time for a bad hair cut.

At this point, the stylist is ushering me toward her chair, omniously weilding very sharp scissors. Scissors that she will use to CUT OFF MY HAIR. I am not kidding when I say I was scared.

I choose a few conservative, stylish photos for her to replicate. She responds by waving her hands around and shrieking "NO! NO! NO! NO!!" Does she point to others that she might approve of? No. Instead, she just picks up her scissors and starts snipping. Chunks CHUNKS of my hair are falling to the ground.

I begin to pray. "Dear Lord, please do not let me look like Florence Henderson. I promise to never feed my Sunday School kids to much sugar ever again if you please just answer this one prayer!" Then a thought hit me. I could end up with a KATE GOSSELIN.

I start panicking.

My mind is conjuring up every poorly photographed image of Kate Gosselin I have ever seen, along with that woman at the library with that weird dyed mullet.

"Okay!" "Done!", the Chinese woman says.

I shut my eyes and cringe.

She turns me around in the chair for me to look at my reflection.

I squeeze my eyes shut tighter.

"LOOK!" , she demands.

I look in the mirror and see SHORT HAIR and layers and layers and BANGS. (OH MY WORD SHE GAVE ME BANGS. I have not had bangs since my sister gave them to my in the seventh grade.)

And I LOVE IT.

That's hot.

But I look hotter.

Break Up Bacon

2009-09-14T12:00:00.003-04:00

When my good friend found out that my boyfriend and I had officially broken up, did she come over so I could cry hysterically on her shoulder?

No.

Did she bring me an extra large bottle of cheap merlot and a pint of Ben and Jerry's?

No.

She brought me bacon.

She is a good friend indeed.

Two Weeks

2009-09-11T12:00:00.003-04:00

A lot has happened over the past two weeks:

1. I went on an amazing vacation with my boyfriend and his mother to Charleston. I sat on the beach, checked out the aquarium (hello? Penguins!), and ate enough seafood to feed the Naval Academy.

2. I got dumped by said boyfriend so he could "focus on getting his master's degree".

3. I ate enough Ben and Jerry's to cause an immediate heart attack.

4. I did not have a heart attack.

5. But I did have an I'm-stressed-because-I-just-got-dumped-and-I-ate-too-much-ice-cream headache.

* In all seriousness, we did mutually agree that this was the best decision for both of us. But it didn't make it any easier.

6. I started Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University.

7. Our refrigerator broke. Hooray for clumpy milk.

8. A man told me he had not been on a date in FIVE YEARS, but he was willing to go out with any woman who was willing to pay for everything.

9. I started swing dancing again.

10. I updated my blog.

Hope you're happy, Mom. Love you!

".....She works hard for her money....."

2009-09-10T17:10:00.001-04:00

A man told me he had not been on a date in FIVE YEARS.......

............but he was willing to go out with any woman who was willing to pay for everything.

Missing: chivalry

Thursday Randomness

2009-08-27T18:04:00.002-04:00

1. A woman came in today who had a giant rainbow umbrella tucked into the back of her shirt, going into her shorts. AND IT WASN'T EVEN RAINIG.

2. A man stopped by my desk to flirt with me. Because he only comes to the library "to bother women.......is it working?"

3. A man showed is inmate identification card as a picture ID. Is that even legal??

4. A woman came in with SIX two year olds, who proceeded to terrorize the library.

5. I joined Twitter @mersjourney.

6. Did I do that right?

7. A patron I just met sent me 4 emails, friended me on Facebook, poked me on Facebook, wrote on my wall and then proceeded to email me (twice.) on Facebook to tell me they wouldn't be on Facebook for the rest of the day. And then emailed AGAIN to tell me they'd changed their minds and in fact, would be on Facebook.

8. Evidently, I have a stalker.

9. Or two.

10. Stalker just sent an email asking if I was mad at him and if that was why I wasn't responding.

11. I'm going home. My life is absurd.

Dear Dad, Please take notes.

2009-08-24T10:40:00.010-04:00

6 months.

2009-08-18T18:13:00.002-04:00

6 months today.

Turkey Burgers with Horseradish and Cheddar Cheese

2009-08-14T10:14:00.005-04:00

I have decided to cook through one of Rachael Ray's cookbooks, Rachael Ray Express Lane Meals, so that I can get some much needed practice in the kitchen. (Because seriously, people. A girl has to eat more than popcorn. And crock pot chicken sludge.) Last night, I made Turkey Burgers with Horseradish and Cheddar Cheese (on page 40).

I was a little nervous about some of the ingredients (horseradish?? cranberry sauce??), but let me just tell you- this recipe is amazing! I was very surprised that, first of all, I could cook it, and eat it, and nobody died. The burgers were cheesy and moist and delicious! I really liked the sharpness of the cheese and the horseradish (I know! Who knew?) and the cranberry sauce added the perfect amount of sweetness! I made a few modifications to the recipe, but, all in all, I will definitely make these again!

mer: 1
dinner: 1

Rachael Ray's Turkey Burgers with Horseradish and Cheddar Cheese (page 40)

Ingredients
1 package ground turkey breast
2 rounded tablespoons prepared horseradish (I used horseradish mayo, which was a bit tamer than the horseradish, and I put it on the side)
1/3 pound sharp white cheddar cheese, diced or crumbled into 1/4 inch pieces (I used shredded sharp cheddar cheese, and definitely not 1/3 pound. I used about 1/4 cup)
2 scallions, finely chopped
1 rounded palmful grill seasoning, such as McCormick's Montreal Steak Seasoning (I couldn't find steak seasoning at the grocery store, or in my pantry. So I used chicken seasoning. And it was perfect.)
Extra virgin olive oil (EVOO), for drizzling
Spicy brown mustard
4 poppy seed Kaiser rolls, split (I used English Muffins, and shaped the patties to fit inside. They were perfect!)
1 tub or can of good-quality whole-berry cranberry sauce
Romaine lettuce leaves, for topping burgers
Gourmet potato chips

Preparation
Heat a nonstick skillet over medium-high heat.In a medium bowl, mix together the meat, horseradish, cheddar pieces, scallions and grill seasoning. Form 4 patties and drizzle them with EVOO. Cook the burgers for 5-6 minutes on each side. Spread mustard on the bun bottoms and cranberry sauce on the bun tops. Place the burgers on the bun bottoms, top with romaine leaves, and set the bun tops in place. Serve fancy chips alongside.

The Post Office

2009-08-13T11:44:00.000-04:00

I love to write. Especially letters on pretty stationary with a pen that writes smoothly. (I am picky about my office supplies. I think they call it OCD.)

I really love everything about writing letters. I love picking out the stationery, choosing a special pen, organizing my thoughts on paper, and mailing it at the post office. My favorite part of the whole letter writing process, though, is the stamps. I love original and unique stamps- not those ubiquitious flags that everybody uses to send their bills. No. I love stamps of scenes, and people, and flowers, and old movies. LOVE IT.

I went to the post office the other day to mail some letters, and pick up some stamps. Granted, it had been a long day, a long week, a long month. And it was raining, which makes a day that. much. worse. I was flustered and overwhelmed and tired by the time I had made it to the post office. All I wanted to do was get it in, buy some pretty stamps and mail my letters so I could get home eat my weight in brownies.

I walk in, waiting patiently in line, busily distracting myself with photos of people that were wanted in my state. By the time I reach the counter, my mind is a bit fuzzy from staring at images of strange, creepy looking men, and I begin to think that one is actually my neighbor. Which he isn't.

ANYWAY.

I reach the counter and try to articulate that I needed the special edition lighthouse stamps. Except, evidently my mouth did not get the memo. What I intended to say and what came out were two entirely different things.

I wanted to say, "Do you still carry the special edition lighthouse stamps?"

But, instead, I said,
...................................."Do you carry stamps?"

Oh. my. word.

That poor woman. She looked at me as if I had gone completely out my mind crazy.

I am the reason why we have disgruntled postal workers.

Bedtime Stories and Other Nightmares

2009-08-10T16:33:00.006-04:00

"What is your favorite bedtime story?

........................Because I wanna make sure I read your favorite when I tuck you into bed tonight!"

Ew.

Chicken and Stuffing in a Crock Pot

2009-08-10T15:43:00.015-04:00

Last week I tried to make dinner, in a valiant effort to dust off my "rusty" (i.e. non-existent) culinary skills. When I was married, and I housed more family than the Walton's, I used to make huge family meals in the crock pot. I loved it because it enabled me to hold down a full time job and make dinner for everyone and the dog, without having a nervous breakdown or drinking a bottle of scotch at 3:30 in the afternoon. It was great. Crock Pots really are the best invention since Al Gore invented the internet.

So. Last week. It really was a simple meal. Chicken. Soup. Stuffing. It would seem....difficult..... to destroy a meal like that IN THE CROCK POT. But really. I'm telling you. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE ME.

I found the recipe in "Fix It and Forget it". Yes, I realize the irony of that title.

I fixed it.

I forgot it.

....................................it burned.

mer: 0

dinner: 1

Chicken and Stuffing in a Crock Pot

Ingredients:

8 chicken breasts (halves)

2 pkg. chicken flavor stuffing mix (low sodium variety)

1 cup chicken broth

2 cans cream of chicken soup

Directions: Spray crockpot with non-stick cooking spray. Place chicken on bottom of crockpot. Pour broth over the chicken. Mix together the stuffing and soup. Place on top of the chicken. Cook on low for 7 hours, or so they say.

Serves 8

When the world seems off it's rocker

2009-08-07T15:57:00.002-04:00

and I forget Who is in control........

This Is My Father's World

Maltbie D. Babcock

This is my Father's world,
and to my listening ears
all nature sings, and round me rings
the music of the spheres.

This is my Father's world:
I rest me in the thought
of rocks and trees, of skies and seas;
his hand the wonders wrought.

This is my Father's world,
the birds their carols raise,
the morning light, the lily white,
declare their maker's praise.

This is my Father's world:
he shines in all that's fair;
in the rustling grass I hear him pass;
he speaks to me everywhere.

This is my Father's world.
O let me ne'er forget
that though the wrong seems oft so strong,
God is the ruler yet.

This is my Father's world:
why should my heart be sad?
The Lord is King; let the heavens ring!
God reigns; let the earth be glad!

In. Appropriate.

2009-08-07T11:47:00.007-04:00

in·ap·pro·pri·ate: adj. not appropriate; not proper or suitable

One of my favorite patrons is known around the library for his "inappropriate comments". He will often start a conversation with you or ask you a question prefaced with, "Now, this might be inappropriate, but...."

I like to think that it is kind of like that Southern colloquialism "bless your heart". You can say just about anything about another person as long as you preface it with "Bless their heart". (There is even a book about it! )

1.""You know, it's amazing that even though she had that baby 7 months after they got married, bless her heart, it weighed 10 pounds!"

2. "You don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart” … and go your own way."

2. "Bless her heart, she can't help being ugly, but she could've stayed home."

See what I mean?

Anyway. This patron often says inappropriate comments to me. Often. Like every day.

- "This might be considered inappropriate, but you work all the time. Are you sure you get enough time to yourself........for you know......?

- "This might be inappropriate, but really, are you seeing anyone?

- "This might be inappropriate, but you just have the most powerful eyes."

And the worst one of all......"Now, I know this might be inappropriate, but I just have to know. With you wearing that shirt, and the way it fits you just so......

..........Are you pregnant?"

This poor man. He must flat out CRAZY, bless his heart.

My glasses

2009-08-06T23:10:00.000-04:00

My glasses are tortoise shell, with a bit of green. I get compliments on them. A lot.

"I really like your glasses. They look erotic."

(What???)

" I like your sexy librarian glasses. They make you look like a.......sexy librarian."

(I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.)

"I like your glasses. They make your eyes look powerful."

(Watch me as I shoot daggers from them.)

"Hey, good looking...."

(Whatcha got cooking.....?)

I want to switch to contacts, please.

Another night on the air mattress

2009-08-04T18:31:00.006-04:00

My bed was a gift, to me, from a friend. When I first moved to South Carolina, I did not have a bed. I had moved from the Wild, Wild West to South Carolina with nothing but my clothes and my obscenely large collection of books. When some friends of mine had found out that I had been sleeping on my living room floor, they kindly offered an extra bed and frame that they no longer needed. There is nothing special about the mattress or the box spring. What makes this bed The Bed of All Beds, is the frame.

This frame was hand hewn by my friend's father, from one, big, giant piece of tree. It is large. And it is heavy. When I started making plans to move, I offered the bed back to my generous friend, as his father did spend a lot of time on it. And they declined. Really.

So, now I have this monstrosity of a bed to move. A group of guys from chuch kindly offered to help move the bed, or least I thought they had offered.

My room mate came up to me after church and said, "Did you know that Goodwill will pick up your bed for FREE?"

Well. How about that.

Evidently, my bed was the topic of conversation in Sunday School. Everyone had decided that the next best course of action was for me to DONATE MY BED to Goodwill, since, evidently, they will come get it for FREE.

So, now I have no bed in my new apartment and no movers to help me move my bed, and a really sore neck from sleeping on an inflatable mattress every night.

My previous blog.

2009-07-31T09:50:00.002-04:00

So I used to keep a blog. A long, loooong time ago.

Like 6 years ago.

Do you know what can HAPPEN over 6 year's time?

Let me just tell you. A LOT.

I'm in the process of moving the entries over, so be prepared!

( Check the blogs dated 2003 on....)

Moving

2009-07-30T10:31:00.004-04:00

I am moving. My life is chaotic, all packed up in boxes. I can't find anything.

(I've lost my hair dryer and this morning, I couldn't find my glasses because they were PACKED IN A BOX. Seriously. Who does that?)

I'm sad to leave behind my first apartment, my first year of being single. I have learned so much this past year, and I have grown so much as a person.

I've learned:
- that I don't love cooking any less just because my cutting board is the size of an index card.

- it is acceptable to drink wine and eat popcorn for dinner.

- I can go a FULL MONTH without running the dishwasher. (Don't judge me.)

- how to clean a bathroom sink clogged with hair and not throw up.

- it is possible to NEVER DUST the top of your bookcase. (Yeah. I wouldn't recommend it. It's gross when you finally dust it.)

- that there is no appropriate "adult" bedtime (or time to get up, for that matter).

- there is nothing wrong reaching my "social quota" with reading a book at Barnes and Noble.

- I can go two weeks without doing laundry.

- one can never have TOO MANY BOOKS.

- you can make an entire meal with two eggs, wilted spinach and day old feta cheese, and NOT DIE.

I am excited to see where this next year will take me. I am excited to grow and learn with my new roomie (!) and finally (FINALLY!) cook for more than just one.

I can't wait.

I do love shoes. A lot.

2009-07-29T13:46:00.002-04:00

THE key

2009-07-29T10:05:00.009-04:00

This morning I forgot my key to get into the office. This is not just any key. It is The. Key. THE KEY. It's not the kind of key that fits on to your key ring. It is shaped like a credit card, complete with a little magnetic strip that gives you access to your office and other areas of the library. So, it's easy to forget. Or leave at home. Or lose. Or give to the cashier at the grocery store. Not that I've done that.

You would think that we have confidential information hidden behind these doors. Or that we work for the CIA. Or that somewhere, deep within the hidden recesses of the library storage rooms, is Jimmy Hoffa, Amelia Earhart and the Bermuda Triangle.

We need a key to get in the "STAFF ACCESS ONLY" door of the library. Then we need it to open the main door of the library. Then, to open our office door. And we need to move from office to office. Room to room.

Since I am need of a key, I have to find someone to open every. single. door. for me.

It is 10:30 and people are avoiding me like the plague.
It's going to be a long day.

In more awkward news of the day, I ran into my boss this morning. I usually don't see him very often, so when I do, I try to make a good impression.

As I am walking past him, I say hello and promptly trip on my three inch heels. (Clearly, I have not mastered the walking and talking concept. Thank God, I don't chew gum.)

And not only do I trip, gracefully, spastically, I kick my shoe across the room. My beautiful, black three inch heel slides all the way across. the. room. Right into the path of my boss. My boss looks at me. He looks at the shoe. He looks back at me.

And sighs.

I think he wonders why he hired me in the first place.
Or maybe he wonders why on earth I wear such high heels.

Also, one of my patrons is reading an article about the "psychological benefits of a larger penis".

That's just gross.

WORST pick up line EVER

2009-07-14T14:05:00.004-04:00

Guy: "Hey, do you like to read?"

Me: "Um....yes. I work at a LIBRARY."

Guy: "What books do you recommend?"

Me: "Well, I personally enjoyed "The Kite Runner", because it.....

Guy (rudely interrupting): "Well, I will read ANY book you recommend....if you'll go out with me."

Mama's Boy

2009-07-14T13:50:00.004-04:00

This guy and his mother were in the microfilm earlier this morning. They leave. His mother returns about ten minutes later....

Mom: "Hi. You remember me, right?" (Actually I don't, but I play along, as if I actually pay attention to people when they come through here).

"Well......"(loooong pause) "Are you married?" (This is so awkward.)

Me: "No....." (Although I'm sure I'm turning 15 shades of red at this point.)

Mom: "Well, You remember my son, right? In the pink shirt? Well...can he have you phone number?"

At this point, I am SPEECHLESS. I am so taken aback that this woman would take it upon herself to emasculate her son and ask me out for him. If a man can't ask me out himself, there is NO WAY I will go out with him. EVER.

So, I tell her that I can't give him my phone number because I'm seeing someone. But even worse, his mother leaves his phone number for ME to call HIM. Probably not.

Poor guy is probably gay.

Finding God's Will

2009-07-07T09:52:00.006-04:00

Many well meaning Christians, including myself, have often searched for "God's will" in marriage, or college, or career choices, or moving or [insert important decision here]. Many times, when we make life altering choices, we search for God's will as if we were trying to decode a foreign language, and if we don't follow "God's will", if we make the wrong choice, we will be out of God's will and living in sin.

That's a lot of pressure. You are constantly living in fear of making the wrong choice, of living a miserable life because you married the wrong person, or are working at the wrong job, or moved to the wrong city.

But is that really how God works? Does He really play those kinds of games? I don't think so.

I read an article this morning on a blog called internetmonk.com, http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/god-isnt-gamey-my-new-hot-button.

The main thrust of the article is this:

"I can serve (God) either here or elsewhere. I can serve him anyplace. I can be faithful wherever. I’m free, within the boundaries of following Jesus, loving God, loving neighbor and using my gifts and talents, to serve God wherever I believe is the best place for me." There is a process, but I can trust myself as a reliable means of knowing God’s will. I don’t need a sign, or a vision or a voice. I may or may not get a nudge. It doesn’t matter. I don’t think God is hiding his will. I can go to school. I can sell programs at the ball park. I can write. I can teach. I can preach or be an associate. I can counsel. I can do a lot of things. And I don’t believe I have to torment myself or anyone else about that. When it seems right to me and my family, when I’m in a place to be responsible, obedient, submissive and faithful, I can love God and do as I please."

I think he is right on. Scripture is clear that we are free to choose whatever path we would like for our life (whom to marry, what sort of vocation), as long as we are not sinning against Christ or our fellow man. Period. Beyond that is just speculation and heresay. We cannot put words in God's mouth, and, more importantly, we cannot assume that "God requires some superior effort on my part to be mystical in order to communicate his will to me."

I'm often asked if I think that my first marriage was a mistake, or, more accurately, if it was a sin. I don't think it was, and here is why. The first prerequisite to marriage is that it is between a man and a woman (check!) and more specifically, that you both be Christians, willing to submit yourselves and your marriage to each other under the authority of Scripture (which we were). At that point, Scripture gives me freedom to marry whomever I wish, and under that freedom, I chose Brad. It never was an issue of not knowing or not obeying "God's will".

What made our marriage fail was choosing to love sin above Christ. Period. Not because our marriage wasn't "God's will". In fact, I will even be as bold to say that I am grateful, blessed, even, by my marriage to Brad. Because, in God's good providence, He chose Brad's adultery to REFINE me, and radically change my view of God, His nature, His faithfulness and His church. And what more is life than that- the refinement of our sinful thoughts and behaviors so that we can be made more in the image on the One who saved us.

1 Corinthians 1:18-20

2009-07-06T11:28:00.002-04:00

For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.
“Where is the wise man? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?.... For indeed Jews ask for signs and Greeks search for wisdom; but we preach Christ crucified, to Jews a stumbling block and to Gentiles foolishness, but to those who are the called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, so that no man may boast before God. But by His doing you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification, and redemption, so that, just as it is written, "LET HIM WHO BOASTS, BOAST IN THE LORD."

True story.....

2009-07-02T09:29:00.001-04:00

A boy JUST NOW came up to me and said,

"Excuse me, do you have to pay money to buy this book?"

1. Well, first of all, if you were BUYING it, then, um, yes.

2. BUT THIS IS A LIBRARY.

Mer's Job Description

2009-07-01T16:24:00.002-04:00

So at the library, I do a number of duties:

1. Sit at a desk.
2. Check my email.
3. Make sure no one is looking at anything......inappropriate.
4. Define inappropriate for patrons.
5. Call security to help explain what inappropriate means.
6. Create and teach basic computer classes (powerpoint, mouse, facebook (for real!) )
7. Check my email. Again.
8. Monitor the list of temporarily and permanently banned patrons.
9. Check my facebook.
10. Display new newspapers and magazines. File old ones.
11. Try not to get distracted by the headlines.
12. Get very distracted by headlines and proceed to read articles and post responses on facebook.
13. Throw away candy and miscellaneous gifts given by the homeless men.
14. Smile at the people who are listening to music so loud on their headphones that they don't realize how loud they are yelling across the room to get my attention.
15. Pretened I can't hear them.
16. Call security to "take care" of inappropriate yelling in the library.
17. Check the Bestseller's Lists and put books on hold.
18. Check my email.
19. Listen to the various security calls over the radio and try to decipher the codes.
20. Call security and use my own made up codes.
21. Check email and notify everyone that I am leaving for the day.

Another productive day in the library.

I have no idea. I just work here.

2009-07-01T10:56:00.007-04:00

Just for the record, I am not a librarian, I just work at the library. In order to be a librarian, you have to obtain a Master's degree in Library Science (MLS), which takes about two years, if you attend part time, or the remainder of the best years of your life, if you are Tara.

Tara is a fellow "librarian", if by "librarian", you mean someone who checks her facebook all day and reads teen lit. And gets paid for it. Tara has been attending school since she was 5. And she has. never. stopped. She is thisclose to getting her MLS, except the school she is attending, apparently isn't accredited outside the state of North Carolina. (They told her this just as she is about to graduate.) Her next option is to either become a crazy cat lady/ "librarian" or get a second master's degree.

Being ever the "librarian of ineffable wisdom" that she is, she has decided to study linguistics. Evidently, the CIA is currently looking for spies. Specifically, Russsian spies.

Her Ultimate Goal is to become a Russian spy, only to marry a Russian spy, who is hot and also Rich.

I want to be just like her when I grow up.

Stepping Back

2009-03-09T20:18:00.002-04:00

Last Wednesday was March 4th. The only day with a command. March forth. Carry on.

And that is what I intend to do.

A year has passed. A year of intense pain and sorrow. A year of watching....waiting. A year of fervent prayer. A year of healing, of new beginnings.

I gave him a year and he chose to respond in a foolish way.

And I am finally FINALLY moving on.

Books I'm Reading

2009-01-20T14:26:00.002-05:00

Pleasing People: How Not To Be An Approval Junkie by Lou Priolo

Mennonite in a Little Black Dress: A Memoir of Going Home by Rhoda Janzen

My Jesus Year: A Rabbi's Son Wanders the Bible Belt in Search of His Own Faith by Benyamin Cohen

Love Soup: 160 All-New Vegetarian Recipes from the Author of The Vegetarian Epicure By Anna Thomas

Confessions of a Jane Austen Addict by Laura Viera Rigler

Sylvan

2008-10-26T20:26:00.004-04:00

I wake up in cold sweats, heart pounding, unable to breathe. There is constant nausea, headaches. My job, my anxiety is getting out of control. What is it, exactly, that I am so afraid of?

What is causing this anxiety?

1. I am overwhelmed by the amount of responsibility I have.

2. I feel like no matter how hard I try, my best is never, ever good enough.

3. I feel like people don't like me- or worse- don't respect me because I don't have a clue what I am doing.

4. I am frustrated that I am doing a job that I was not hired to do. I hate marketing.

5. I have ADD and I have a hard time focusing on one thing and completing it.

6. I feel like I have to change the center and be the perfect director and have the perfect center.

Wading the Waters

2008-10-25T13:26:00.002-04:00

Many well intentioned people in my life, some of whom have nobusinesswhatsoever giving me their advice in this area of my life, have suggested that I might need to get out more...or more aptly put, MOVE ON.

So I've tried.

Case #1: I tried the internet thing. And it didn't work. The end.

Case #2: I meet a guy running in my apartment complex when I am walking Sadie. We strike up a conversation about running and eventually get to talking about what we "do".
I tell him a bit about my job and I ask, "So, what do you do?"

"Oh I'm a sophmore at Limestone."

Oh my word. I have resorted to robbing the cradle.

Case #3: I meet a guy working out at the gym. He seems nice, and is possibly Matt Damon's twin brother. He likes to cook and plans on working as a nuclear engineer making $150 per diem by next year when he graduates from the Duke distance learning program. Not too bad.
"Dinner?" he asks.
Wisely, I took a raincheck.
He befriended me on Facebook this morning. Turns out Matt Damon II is engaged to be married. I guess he failed to mention that the amazing steak dinner and creme brulee he made was probably for his FIANCEE! Jerk.

The Scarlet Letter

2008-08-05T22:13:00.002-04:00

Someone once asked me, "Are you getting back to normal again?"

I don't think I will ever be "normal", at least in the past tense of the word, again. If I can paraphrase a wise friend:

"(Losing someone you love) is like having your arm cut off. You will never be "normal" again . You will learn to function without it, but you will always feel as if a part of you is missing."

2008-07-27T20:07:00.002-04:00

Tonight I was wondering if I made the right decision turning down the nanny job in Florida. The money, the travelling, even the kids were tugging on my heart.....I honestly thought that job would fill the great chasm in my heart that divorcing Brad created.

As I was spending some time in prayer and worship, the Lord reminded I am where He has me for a reason- for the freedom to travel, to minister. God has graciously taken away my husband and an amazing job to enable me to give all of what is left of myself. What Satan has taken away and destroyed- the "old" Meredith, my marriage, my life- God has turned into beauty. He has filled me up. He has allowed me to be broken down, cast down and destroyed so that HE could abide in me, so that He could take the empty vessel of my life, fill it and use it for His righteousness, His honor and His glory. Amen!

Sara Groves (http://www.saragroves.com/saragroves/) inspired me by what she wrote on her website:

"The phrase ‘social justice’ can be loaded. To some people it is a political or a liberal conversation, but to me, it is a Kingdom conversation. There are people behind these stories and statistics, and God’s heart for justice burns on their behalf. I wanted to write songs that drew attention to the people who know God deeply because of their suffering. There is a commonality in all of these friends, and that is the perseverance of hope.”

That is exactly where my heart is. I want my heart to burn for the justice of the hurting and the oppressed. I want to make a difference!

"The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, Because the LORD has anointed me To bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to captives And freedom to prisoners; to proclaim the favorable year of the LORD And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, to grant those who mourn {in} Zion, Giving them a garland instead of ashes, The oil of gladness instead of mourning, The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified." ~Isaiah 61:1-3 NASB

Morning of Morning and Evening by Charles Spurgeon July 22, 2008

2008-07-22T21:00:00.001-04:00

I am married unto you." —Jeremiah 3:14

Christ Jesus is joined unto His people in marriage-union. In love He espoused His Church as a chaste virgin, long before she fell under the yoke of bondage. Full of burning affection He toiled, like Jacob for Rachel, until the whole of her purchase-money had been paid, and now, having sought her by His Spirit, and brought her to know and love Him, He awaits the glorious hour when their mutual bliss shall be consummated at the marriage-supper of the Lamb. Not yet hath the glorious Bridegroom presented His betrothed, perfected and complete, before the Majesty of heaven; not yet hath she actually entered upon the enjoyment of her dignities as His wife and queen: she is as yet a wanderer in a world of woe, a dweller in the tents of Kedar; but she is even now the bride, the spouse of Jesus, dear to His heart, precious in His sight, written on His hands, and united with His person. On earth He exercises towards her all the affectionate offices of Husband. He makes rich provision for her wants, pays all her debts, allows her to assume His name, and to share in all His wealth. Nor will He ever act otherwise to her. The word divorce He will never mention, for "He hateth putting away." Death must sever the conjugal tie between the most loving mortals, but it cannot divide the links of this immortal marriage. In heaven they marry not, but are as the angels of God; yet there is this one marvellous exception to the rule, for in Heaven Christ and His Church shall celebrate their joyous nuptials. This affinity as it is more lasting, so is it more near than earthly wedlock. Let the love of husband be never so pure and fervent, it is but a faint picture of the flame which burns in the heart of Jesus. Passing all human union is that mystical cleaving unto the Church, for which Christ left His Father, and became one flesh with her.

Evening of Morning and Evening, Charles Spurgeon July 21, 2008

2008-07-22T20:58:00.002-04:00

Why go I mourning?" —Psalm 42:9

Cant thou answer this, believer? Cant thou find any reason why thou art so often mourning instead of rejoicing? Why yield to gloomy anticipations? Who told thee that the night would never end in day? Who told thee that the sea of circumstances would ebb out till there should be nothing left but long leagues of the mud of horrible poverty? Who told thee that the winter of thy discontent would proceed from frost to frost, from snow, and ice, and hail, to deeper snow, and yet more heavy tempest of despair? Knowest thou not that day follows night, that flood comes after ebb, that spring and summer succeed winter? Hope thou then! Hope thou ever! For God fails thee not. Dost thou not know that thy God loves thee in the midst of all this? Mountains, when in darkness hidden, are as real as in day, and God's love is as true to thee now as it was in thy brightest moments. No father chastens always: thy Lord hates the rod as much as thou dost; He only cares to use it for that reason which should make thee willing to receive it, namely, that it works thy lasting good. Thou shalt yet climb Jacob's ladder with the angels, and behold Him who sits at the top of it—thy covenant God. Thou shalt yet, amidst the splendours of eternity, forget the trials of time, or only remember them to bless the God who led thee through them, and wrought thy lasting good by them. Come, sing in the midst of tribulation. Rejoice even while passing through the furnace. Make the wilderness to blossom like the rose! Cause the desert to ring with thine exulting joys, for these light afflictions will soon be over, and then "for ever with the Lord," thy bliss shall never wane.

"Faint not nor fear, His arms are near,
He changeth not, and thou art dear;
Only believe and thou shalt see,
That Christ is all in all to thee."

please don't contact me anymore

2008-07-21T21:44:00.003-04:00

I was just thinking about you and all that you did for me. Like counseling...and all the love that you showed me. I just wanted to say that you are the most amazing God centered unselfish womanon this earth and I wanted to say thank you for all that you have done for me.

I am so sorry for being self centered and extremely selfish and complete ungodly. I want you to know that I will show you that I am a Godly man...Only by God's strength! God help me for I am only a man and He is the only way I can stand!

And so it begins.....

2008-07-20T21:28:00.002-04:00

I feel like my life is really starting tomorrow. I start my new job as the Director of Education tomorrow, and I really feel that finally, FINALLY life is beginning. But what I fail to realize is that life has already started for me. It didn't end when Brad and I separated, or even when we got divorced (even if it felt like it). It has been and is continuing to be woven and spun, like a beautiful blanket- full of knots and loose strings and chaos on one side, but perfectly stitched and woven on the other side.

For so long I've felt like all I could see was the knotty side of my life- chaos, hurt, pain. But now, almost 5 months later, I feel that I am beginning to heal, to move on, to be able to talk about what happened, and to see bits and pieces of God's handiwork in the nightmare of the past year and a half.

I am excited. I am fearful. I am full of praise, and yet full of doubt. And so it begins, a new chapter. It has always been and always will be a handiwork of God's grace and mercy.

Reconciliation

2008-06-19T21:56:00.002-04:00

I need a job. I have bills to pay and a job takes care of that. But, I don't want a career. I don't really desire after a career. Really, all I want to be is a wife and a mother. That's it.

So how do I reconcile the fact that:
1. I have to have a job.
2. I feel pressurred (by society, by my family) into a career track.
3. I just want to be married and have a houseful of kids.

I am frustrated with myself that I am struggling so much to trust God, trust His timing, trust His will and that I am so discontent with where He has me.

I am frustrated with my family that they will not be satisfied with any less than a full time, salaried teaching job.

I am frustrated with myself that I would take less and not care. (Should I care?)

I am frustrated that I am stuck between longing deeply for marriage, yet feeling so afraid of it.

I need to recognize in myself that my heart truly is, as John Calvin quotes, an idol factory. I need to make sure that I am not making an idol of my desire for marriage, and allowing that to make me.....apathetic towards my duties and responsibilites now.

First Post

2008-06-11T20:26:00.000-04:00

It feels so weird to be back in my bedroom, at my parent's house. I no longer even feel like a child, yet we are all so confused about the roles we are to play. My parents, realizing I am hurting, overcompensate by fawning over me. My sister tries to pull me out of my "rut" by giving me examples of how things could be "worse" (Worse? Not much.) And how I need to stop being so depressed (!). I......feel lost. Confused. Mostly overwhelmed. Sometimes the depression hits so hard, I can't breathe. Sometimes, I feel sad. Sometimes, I just miss Brad, I miss what we had. Is that so bad?

I hate the fact that I feel so dependent on my parents. My strong willed nature is screaming and clawing to get out of here. I want to find a job asap, but feel too overwhelmed by the job hunting process. Where do I want to live? What do I want to do with my life? Who am I?

My heart is broken. And sometimes, I just want to feel normal again. Will I be able to enjoy social situations? I will be able to smile and laugh at a joke? I will be able to see reminders of Brad, of "us" and not cry? Will I be able to trust? To love? To live?

Bethany Love. 12.11.2003

2003-12-11T09:59:00.000-05:00

12.11.2003

A Little Song for Meredith (posted by http://bethanyjoi.easyjournal.com/)

Hey everyone reading this, which translates to: MEREDITH! If anyone else is reading this I love you too, but I highly doubt anyone else is still checking this thing even though I haven't written since July! Good night! Sorry guys! Christmas holidays look a little more hopeful for Bethany updating the old journal. But anyway, if you're reading this that means you're a true friend and I love and appreciate you. My lack of journal writing has nothing to do with my wanting to stay in contact with you, it's just that.....I don't have time, and when I do, I'm too lazy or just don't think to write in this thing. Anyshwazles......here's your song, Mere, I think you're probably the one who's made the most (if not all) of the 18 visits to this site in the month of December. I love you.

Meredith
I love Meredith!
Meredith rocks!
Meredith is more amazing than lots of cool things you could think of, like......
Raisinets
Hoodies with hand pockets
Being outside on a blustery day
My cat
Chacos :)
Blue
Herbal Essences
...These are a few of my favorite things, but you see Meredith takes the cake dudes! For real! And now to end my happy little song, Which, by the way, I COULD sing all day long (try not to wince at the corny rhyming; at least it's sincere!)
I want to say one more thing: I love you Meredith.
You're beautiful inside and out and if I were a boy I'd marry you!
I love you friend.

Snorkle .

You can't trade tacos for enchildadas

2003-12-01T22:39:00.000-05:00

I just saw the most disturbing movie besides "Dumb and Dumber" (sorry Isaiah). My friend Anne and I watched "Like Water for Chocolate" for our Spanish class...it was pretty traumatizing! Basically, it was all about sex. Well, at first, it was just a little sex here and there, but toward the end- everybody was joining in on vomit festivities and free lovin'. It was horrible. We fast forwarded at least four times if not more. Yuck. Don't watch it.

On a brighter and much more cleaner note (well maybe not necessarily!), my fish are still living! Yay! They went without food for four whole days and survived! Yay for Wal-Mart fish! Yay for the Orange Game! But (my poor fish) when I got back from Thanksgiving, my room smelled of rotting algae and fish poop. So I had to clean the ENTIRE tank, which was thoroughly disgusting.

Pre-Exam Week. Little did I know what University exam week was like. I had no idea! ICC was nothing- NOTHING- compared to this. I honestly do not think I will be sleeping this week. I have so so so much to do- it's ridiculous! I have three things scheduled for Wednesday at 7pm. Watch me work my magic. Yeah right. ("Run away, run away!")

One more thing.... "Why is it my fault? So maybe I try to hard....I just want to be liked, I just want to be funny..Looks like the joke's on me....."

Yeah. Sorry. Anyway, I knew him before he was famous.

Seriously, I need ask an apology of a very special friend, of mine. I realize I said some very hurtful things, and I quite possibly could have scarred him for life and prevented him from ever showing his face in public again. C-Stop, you are the best cat I have ever met. I love you even though you are a eunuch. (oops..sorry!) Please forgive for my hurting words. I promise no one really gives a- I mean no one really understands the pain and agony you are suffering. I promise that I will never mention your eunuch-isy again. Ok...maybe once. Or twice. But that's it. I promise! P.S. Don't climb the Christmas tree. It's not as fun as it looks!

Parting words: I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving, mine left a lot to be desired

2003-11-24T12:38:00.000-05:00

And once again, the rain comes. It never ends, does it? Nothing like a rainy Monday.

I am so excited! I ordered a book that my wonderful friends Phillip and Lori (I love you guys!) told me about called "Losin' that Loving Feeling". If anybody has ever been hurt in a relationship- broken engagement, divorce, break up- I promise- this book rocks! My bought it for my roomate, Jennifer. Her boyfriend broke up with her not too long ago, and she is hurting so much. So, I think that the Biblical advice that this book gives her, and the practical ways it gives you of applying Scripture to your life and your circumstances will really help her and give her that push she needs to get her relationship with the Lord back on track. (I think that was considered a run-on sentence, but I'm not sure.)

AND.....MY FISH ARE STILL LIVING! Yep, the Wal-Mart fishies have been alive for almost three whole weeks now! I am thrilled! Crud....who is going to feed them over Thanksgiving? I wonder if I should take them home...? I probably will. How do you transport fish? Their tank has a little hole in the top, so the water will leak out if I drive them home in the tank, so I guess the logical way would be to transport them in a bag or something. I don't know!

Well, I do have so much more to do before I leave for work, so try to have a relatively dry day.

("There seems to be a leak!" -Pirates)

the eunuch: parts one and two

2003-11-24T12:33:00.000-05:00

~spoken in a very beliveable British accent~

I am most positively sure that Miss Laura Wright will appreciate this!

The Eunuch Parts One and Two is dedicated to:

1. All "Pirates" fans and

2. Most of all, Philip and Lori Sealy and their adopted eunuch cat, C-Stop.

Part 1

Jack: "Who makes all these?"

Will: "I do!" Jack: "You need to find yourself a girl, mate!...Or maybe, you have found one and are otherwise incapable of wooing her! (pause) You're not a eunuch, are you?"

Will: "I practice three hours a day so that when I find a pirate, I can kill him!"

Part 2

Barbosa: "Who are you?"

Jack: "Oh- he's nobody. A distant cousin on my aunt's side twice removed."

(Points to Will) "Eunuch!"

2003-11-24T06:20:00.000-05:00

"Whenever there is a spiritual drain in your life, correct it immediately. Realize that something has been coming between you and God, and change or remove it at once. " -Oswald Chambers

the land between being awake and asleep

2003-11-21T00:02:00.000-05:00

~sigh~ I can't sleep. I'm not even tired. I never have problems sleeping...ever. But I'm wide awake. I'm so bored. There's nothing to do in the middle of the night when everyone else is asleep. It stinks. You know what else stinks? I got a parking citation today. Costs me 30 dollars. 30 bucks that I don't have. That REALLY stinks. But it's my own fault. I cheated the system long enough. Oh well. It was bound to happen. I think Diana is awake. I might go eat something with her at 1:09 in the morning. This is ridiculous. I should be asleep. But I'm not. I will go eat Doritos and watch a movie or tv or something. Be grateful you're asleep. Dream some dreams for me. And if you have an extra 30 dollars send it to me!

PS im going to harris teeter with diana- they're open 24 hours!

rain

2003-11-19T07:40:00.000-05:00

Okay, so on the weather report, they said we were under a flood watch. They failed to mention there was a RIVER flowing down the street! What a morning....I left at 7:30 this morning to teach at an elementary school about 20 minutes away. When I got halfway down the mountain, I was wet, the inside of my car was wet, and my brakes didn't work because they were wet. AND there was a stinkin' river flowing next to the road. That's a little anerving...so I call the school, thinking they still have classes, and they don't. WHY DON'T THEY KEEP THEIR WORDS AND CALL TUTORS???? WHY??? Oh well. I learned how to drive in torrential rains....that should come in handy one day.... stay dry-and don't go out unless you have to mere

Psalm 143

2003-11-12T06:13:00.000-05:00

Hear my prayer, O Lord:

MY SOUL LONGS FOR YOU, AS A PARCHED LAND.

LET ME HEAR YOUR LOVING KINDNESS IN THE MORNING; FOR I TRUST IN YOU; TEACH ME THE WAY IN WHICH I SHOULD WALK.

TEACH ME TO DO YOUR WILL, FOR YOU ARE MY GOD. LET YOUR GOOD SPIRIT LEAD ME ON LEVEL GROUND.

And Life Goes On.....

2003-11-11T07:18:00.000-05:00

its too early to be awake, and yet i am.....i just want to sleep. I have come to the conclusion that, in college, you never get enough sleep, and you will never be caught up. That is just the way it is. I have to register for classes today. I am so ready for a new semester. I'm excited because I am working fully on my major now, meaning nothing but teaching classes! Yeah! No more prereqs to get out of the way :) I am so relieved for that! I'm a little nervous though, too because all my classes except one (Beg. Spanish II) are 3000 level...it won't be easy! Oh well...If you can remember, please leave me a message so I know you at least made it here....thanks! This weekend is the game against WCU- WESTERN CAROLINA, our rivals. I don't think anybody really cares, because, well, we're not too atheletic out here in the mountains and plus, who's gonna be scared of a stinkin' mountaineer, a hillbilly? But it will still be fun. It gets aired on ESPN or FOX or something which is cool. Even better, my sister and her friend are coming up AND Brad and his sister are coming too! I am so excited I can barely contain myself! I bet my roommate will have a fit- somehow fitting three more girls in our itty bitty dorm room! It was wonderful to have a "catch-up" dinner at Kristin's last night. We haven't talked for like four months, and just sitting down and eating non-ASU food and fellowshipping was such an incredible blessing. We even ended the night by praying together-if you can, always try to get a chance to sit down and pray with another sister or brother in the faith- it renews your spirit like no other! Tonight is IV. My first time going. I hope I like it...for Laura's sake, so I can see her, and because I have yet to find a really really really really awesome group to get involved in. I like FCA, but they only meet 2x a month and I always forget what week they're meeting so I miss it all the time! Well, we will see....I will write again soon. Have a blessed day! meredith and her cinco pescar