Clean Teeth!

I have not been to the dentist in a while. Partly, because I don't like to go and partly, because I didn't have insurance.
Well, I went yesterday, and evidently, I have a lifetime of plaque buildup on my teeth. Which is kind of gross. But the hygenist got to spend an entire hour and a half (!) cleaning my teeth!

It's always awkward when you visit the dentist and they talk to you and ask questions WITH THEIR HANDS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH.

How are you supposed to answer without feeling like there is hand inside your mouth?

Really.

I had one of the most talkative hygenists this side of the Mississippi. We covered a broad broad range of topics, most of which were probably inappropriate.

She had just gotten started, and immediately started in on some pretty personal turf....."So, how old are you? Do you have a boyfriend?" "Are you married?"

I answered as coherently as possible, "No, I am not married, I do not have a boyfriend." Which came out more like, "Ghmmpdhh mmajhdone de oasfnifhd."

Well.
That opened an hour and a half of marriage counseling issues.

"Well, you should be glad that you aren't married because let me just tell you my husband is just like another child..blah....blah....blah....and he does this and he does that.......blah...blah....blah"

FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF.

I wanted to tell her to please stop complaining, because she is probably responsible for half the problems in her marriage and unless he is having an affair with another woman, she needed to stop being disrespectful to her husband, be quiet and work on her marriage. And even if he was having an affair, she needed to stop being disrespectful to her husband, be quiet and work on her marriage.

I didn't tell her that. She would probably think I was unqualified.


And plus, her hands were jammed ALL THE WAY up in my mouth.