This time last year.

I remember last year vividly.

I was living by myself in my very own apartment. It had been nine months since my divorce, and being social was still really hard. I still got hives when I met new people, or was in stressful social situations. I still had panic attacks. Often. But I was really working on being more social (and by "being more social" I mean actually leaving the house to somewhere other than work or the grocery store), and getting out.....more. Without having a meltdown.


This time last year, I felt hopeful. I felt adventurous. I was also eating my weight in Christmas cookies and egg nog (old habits die hard. ), so for the sake of my budget and girlish figure, I HAD to get out of the house. I packed up my knitting bag and drove to Barnes and Noble. I knitted for a full hour, listening to Elvis croon Christmas songs, surrounded by people reading....talking.... laughing.



And I was happy.



Growing up, I was a HUGE social butterfly- I loved acting and performing and meeting new people. I was an extrovert in every sense of the word. I literally thrived on being around people. But, when I had to start going places without my husband, making excuses for him, functioning without him, I began to unravel.....change.....Social situations became harder for me to handle; just the thought of meeting new people made me break out in cold sweats. I would get really frustrated with myself, and try to change back to who I used to be. But the harder I tried, the more difficult it became for me to be around people. And so, eventually, with time, I stopped trying to be someone I wasn't. Anymore. I began to embrace my introvert tendencies. I realized that it was okay to not always want to be surrounded by people, to get your energy from being ALONE.

I really can't believe how far I've come in a year- I haven't gotten hives in a long time, and I can comfortably walk into a room where I don't know anyone and not hyperventilate.....Time does heal all wounds, but I think you also have to be willing to embrace yourself for who you are- even if you don't recognize them.





Life is good.