Reconciliation

I need a job. I have bills to pay and a job takes care of that. But, I don't want a career. I don't really desire after a career. Really, all I want to be is a wife and a mother. That's it.

So how do I reconcile the fact that:
1. I have to have a job.
2. I feel pressurred (by society, by my family) into a career track.
3. I just want to be married and have a houseful of kids.

I am frustrated with myself that I am struggling so much to trust God, trust His timing, trust His will and that I am so discontent with where He has me.

I am frustrated with my family that they will not be satisfied with any less than a full time, salaried teaching job.

I am frustrated with myself that I would take less and not care. (Should I care?)

I am frustrated that I am stuck between longing deeply for marriage, yet feeling so afraid of it.

I need to recognize in myself that my heart truly is, as John Calvin quotes, an idol factory. I need to make sure that I am not making an idol of my desire for marriage, and allowing that to make me.....apathetic towards my duties and responsibilites now.